1 00:01:51,369 --> 00:01:54,327 You must do your best tonight, be on your toes, men. 2 00:01:54,729 --> 00:01:57,562 There's an honored guest tonight. He's one of those men, 3 00:01:57,969 --> 00:02:00,529 who are being feted by the smart-set. 4 00:02:00,929 --> 00:02:03,682 We'll see that he gets what he deserves. 5 00:02:04,089 --> 00:02:06,922 Treat him as they do a king, in manner royal. 6 00:02:07,329 --> 00:02:10,162 Like a subject to a king, you must be loyal. 7 00:02:10,569 --> 00:02:13,288 On this you must have your hearts set. 8 00:02:13,689 --> 00:02:15,919 We'll do nothing to get on his nerves. 9 00:02:16,329 --> 00:02:19,366 Again I mention: Be on your toes, men. 10 00:02:19,769 --> 00:02:22,124 He craves attention, he's one of those men. 11 00:02:22,529 --> 00:02:26,363 We will give him just what he deserves. 12 00:02:36,649 --> 00:02:38,605 Oh, Hives... - Yes, Mrs. Rittenhouse? 13 00:02:39,009 --> 00:02:41,967 I'd like to reassign the rooms. - Very good, madam. 14 00:02:42,369 --> 00:02:44,644 Mr. Chandler should have the Blue suite. 15 00:02:45,049 --> 00:02:48,883 Captain Spaulding, as guest of honor, gets the Green duplex with 2 baths. 16 00:02:49,289 --> 00:02:54,283 Two? - Yes. I think the Captain would like 2 baths, don't you? 17 00:02:54,689 --> 00:02:58,887 If he's just returned from Africa, he may need 2 baths. 18 00:02:59,289 --> 00:03:01,519 Mr. Roscoe W. Chandler. 19 00:03:03,169 --> 00:03:05,922 Mrs. Rittenhouse! Well, I... 20 00:03:06,929 --> 00:03:08,408 Mr. Chandler! 21 00:03:09,409 --> 00:03:13,448 So nice to see you. - The famous Beaugard, as promised. 22 00:03:13,849 --> 00:03:17,967 How can I ever express my gratitude? - Oh, 'tis nothing. 23 00:03:18,369 --> 00:03:23,443 Nothing? You return from Europe with a masterpiece worth $100,000, 24 00:03:23,849 --> 00:03:25,760 and instead of displaying it yourself, 25 00:03:26,169 --> 00:03:29,366 you let me unveil it at my party for Captain Spaulding. 26 00:03:29,769 --> 00:03:33,125 You call that nothing? - Mrs. Rittenhouse, I... 27 00:03:33,529 --> 00:03:38,080 Please remove it to where it will be exhibited. - Very good, sir. 28 00:03:38,489 --> 00:03:40,639 And very careful, please. 29 00:03:41,089 --> 00:03:46,686 You think that is something? I would do much more for you. 30 00:03:47,089 --> 00:03:51,241 You are a very beautiful woman. - No, no, Mr. Chandler. 31 00:03:51,649 --> 00:03:54,288 Well, maybe I'm wrong. - What? 32 00:03:56,689 --> 00:04:01,240 Please do not go. I love you. - I know. Mr. Chandler, now look... 33 00:04:01,649 --> 00:04:05,483 Hello, Mother. Playing house? 34 00:04:05,889 --> 00:04:08,722 Well, if you'll pardon me. 35 00:04:09,129 --> 00:04:14,567 Have you seen Johnny Parker? - Forget him. Think more of our guest. 36 00:04:14,969 --> 00:04:18,086 Your problem is you don't take these social affairs seriously. 37 00:04:18,489 --> 00:04:21,208 What would you suggest, Mom? Suicide? 38 00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:23,520 I would suggest... 39 00:04:23,929 --> 00:04:27,558 That must be him. - Captain Spaulding has arrived. 40 00:04:27,969 --> 00:04:30,483 What a pleasure! I'm so glad. 41 00:04:30,889 --> 00:04:33,278 Friends, Captain Spaulding has arrived. 42 00:04:33,689 --> 00:04:36,761 At last we are to meet him, the famous Captain Spaulding. 43 00:04:37,169 --> 00:04:40,127 From climates hot and scalding, the Captain has arrived. 44 00:04:40,529 --> 00:04:43,566 Most heartily we'll greet him, with plain and fancy cheering, 45 00:04:43,969 --> 00:04:46,927 until he's hard of hearing. The Captain has arrived. 46 00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:51,288 The Captain has arrived. 47 00:04:56,049 --> 00:05:01,123 Mr. Horatio W. Jamison, Field Secretary of Captain Spaulding. 48 00:05:09,289 --> 00:05:14,727 The Captain insists on these conditions under which he camps here. 49 00:05:15,129 --> 00:05:18,041 In one thing he is very strict. He wants his women young and picked. 50 00:05:18,449 --> 00:05:21,202 As for men, he won't have any tramps here. 51 00:05:21,609 --> 00:05:27,206 As for men, he won't have any tramps here. 52 00:05:27,769 --> 00:05:30,681 The men must all be very old, the women warm, the champagne cold. 53 00:05:31,089 --> 00:05:33,842 It's under these conditions that he camps here. 54 00:05:34,249 --> 00:05:37,241 I'm announcing Captain Geoffrey Spaulding. 55 00:05:37,649 --> 00:05:40,925 He's announcing Captain Geoffrey Spaulding. 56 00:05:41,329 --> 00:05:48,440 Oh dear. He is coming. At last he's here. 57 00:06:11,409 --> 00:06:13,161 Well, what do I owe you? 58 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,723 From Africa to here, $1.85? Outrageous! 59 00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:23,600 I told you not to take me through Australia. That's criminal. 60 00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:27,160 Turn around. I want to see your license plates. 61 00:06:27,569 --> 00:06:29,446 I'll attend to you later. 62 00:06:29,929 --> 00:06:33,444 You're one of the most beautiful women I've seen. Doesn't say much. 63 00:06:33,849 --> 00:06:36,488 Captain, Rittenhouse Manor is entirely at your disposal. 64 00:06:36,889 --> 00:06:40,768 I'm grateful for this magnificent washout, ah, turnout. 65 00:06:41,169 --> 00:06:45,401 Vow I'd like to say a few words. Hello, I must be going. 66 00:06:45,809 --> 00:06:48,277 I cannot stay. I came to say I must be going. 67 00:06:48,689 --> 00:06:52,602 I'm glad I came, but just the same, I must be going. 68 00:06:53,009 --> 00:06:54,567 But you must stay. 69 00:06:54,969 --> 00:06:59,042 If you should go away, you'll spoil this party I am throwing. 70 00:06:59,449 --> 00:07:03,488 I'll stay a week or two, I'll stay the summer through, 71 00:07:03,889 --> 00:07:06,198 but I am telling you, 72 00:07:06,609 --> 00:07:10,124 I must be going. 73 00:07:10,529 --> 00:07:13,726 Before you go, will you oblige us 74 00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:17,565 and tell us of your deeds so glowing? 75 00:07:17,969 --> 00:07:21,518 I'll do anything you say. In fact I'll even stay. - Good. 76 00:07:21,929 --> 00:07:26,320 But I must be going. 77 00:07:29,409 --> 00:07:32,799 There's something I would like to say that he's too modest to relay. 78 00:07:33,209 --> 00:07:36,246 The Captain is a moral man. Sometimes he finds it trying. 79 00:07:36,649 --> 00:07:41,769 This I emphasize with stress. I never drink unless... somebody's buying. 80 00:07:42,169 --> 00:07:44,399 The Captain is a very moral man. 81 00:07:44,809 --> 00:07:48,085 If he hears anything obscene, he'll naturally repel it. 82 00:07:48,489 --> 00:07:54,519 I hate a dirty joke, unless it's told by someone who knows how to tell it. 83 00:07:54,929 --> 00:07:57,568 The Captain is a very moral man. 84 00:07:57,969 --> 00:08:00,608 Hooray for Captain Spaulding, the African explorer. 85 00:08:01,009 --> 00:08:03,239 Did someone call me Shnorrer? 86 00:08:07,089 --> 00:08:09,728 He went into the jungle, where the monkeys throw nuts. 87 00:08:10,129 --> 00:08:13,519 If I stay here, I'll go nuts. 88 00:08:16,249 --> 00:08:19,002 He puts all his reliance in courage and defiance 89 00:08:19,409 --> 00:08:21,969 and risks his life for science. 90 00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:27,045 He is the only white man to cover every acre. 91 00:08:39,329 --> 00:08:42,048 He puts all his reliance in courage and defiance 92 00:08:42,449 --> 00:08:45,168 and risks his life for science. 93 00:08:45,569 --> 00:08:48,367 Hooray for Captain Spaulding, the African explorer. 94 00:08:48,769 --> 00:08:51,567 He put his name on dying fame and that is why we say: 95 00:08:51,969 --> 00:08:56,963 Hooray, hooray, hooray. 96 00:08:57,369 --> 00:09:00,805 My friends, I'm highly gratified of this display of effusion. 97 00:09:01,209 --> 00:09:02,483 And I want you to know... 98 00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:17,326 My friends, I'm highly gratified of this display of effusion... 99 00:09:28,449 --> 00:09:32,567 My friends, I'm highly gratified of this display of effusion. 100 00:09:32,969 --> 00:09:36,678 Hooray for Captain Spaulding... Well, somebody's got to do it. 101 00:09:37,089 --> 00:09:41,367 It is indeed a great honor to welcome you to my poor home. 102 00:09:41,769 --> 00:09:43,600 Oh, it isn't so bad. 103 00:09:44,009 --> 00:09:48,685 Wait. You're right, it's one of the frowziest joints I've ever seen. 104 00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:52,047 The wallpaper! You're letting this place run down. 105 00:09:52,449 --> 00:09:56,044 You're not getting the class of people you need. These people look like you. 106 00:09:56,449 --> 00:09:59,009 Let's put up a sign, "Under new management". 107 00:09:59,409 --> 00:10:01,764 We set up a 75-cent meal that knocks their eyes out. 108 00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:04,842 Then we can charge whatever we want. Sign here 109 00:10:05,569 --> 00:10:08,129 and give me a check for $1,500. 110 00:10:08,529 --> 00:10:12,124 This insurance policy provides for your little one and your old age, 111 00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:15,407 which will be here in a few weeks. 112 00:10:15,809 --> 00:10:19,165 I feel that the time has come, the walrus said... 113 00:10:19,569 --> 00:10:23,482 You stand before me as one of the bravest men of all times. 114 00:10:23,889 --> 00:10:25,288 Alright, I'll do that. 115 00:10:25,689 --> 00:10:29,284 In the dark forests of Africa, you dared all dangers. 116 00:10:29,689 --> 00:10:31,725 You mind if I don't smoke? 117 00:10:32,129 --> 00:10:34,438 Fearlessly you have blazed new trails, 118 00:10:34,849 --> 00:10:38,000 scoffed at the lions' roar and the cannibals' tom-toms. 119 00:10:38,409 --> 00:10:39,922 Says you. 120 00:10:40,329 --> 00:10:43,924 Never once in all those months did your footsteps falter. 121 00:10:44,329 --> 00:10:48,322 Cowardice is unknown to you. Fear is not in you. 122 00:10:49,089 --> 00:10:51,444 Pardon me, a caterpillar, Captain. 123 00:10:54,489 --> 00:10:56,878 The caterpillar must have frightened him. Oh dear. 124 00:10:57,289 --> 00:11:00,520 Don't just stand there, get the whiskey. 125 00:11:01,409 --> 00:11:05,561 Where's the whiskey? - In my little black bag, in the right-hand corner. 126 00:11:11,209 --> 00:11:14,007 Signor Emanuel Ravelli. 127 00:11:23,769 --> 00:11:27,045 How are you? Where's the dining room? - This is a surprise. 128 00:11:27,449 --> 00:11:31,408 I used to know an Emanuel Ravelli who looked exactly like you. 129 00:11:31,809 --> 00:11:35,279 I am Emanuel Ravelli. - You're Emanuel Ravelli? 130 00:11:35,689 --> 00:11:39,318 No wonder you look like him. But there is a resemblance. 131 00:11:40,529 --> 00:11:44,522 And he thinks I look alike. - If so, it's a tough break for you. 132 00:11:44,929 --> 00:11:47,682 You are one of the musicians? Aren't you due tomorrow? 133 00:11:48,089 --> 00:11:49,522 Tomorrow's too quick. 134 00:11:50,329 --> 00:11:54,686 Lucky they didn't come yesterday. - We charge for yesterday, too. 135 00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:57,603 What do you get an hour? 136 00:11:58,009 --> 00:12:01,718 For playing, we get $10 an hour. - And for not playing? 137 00:12:02,129 --> 00:12:05,246 $12 an hour. - Clip me off a piece of that. 138 00:12:05,649 --> 00:12:09,278 For rehearsing, we make special rate. That's $15 an hour. 139 00:12:09,689 --> 00:12:12,123 For rehearsing? And for not rehearsing? 140 00:12:12,529 --> 00:12:14,804 You couldn't afford it. 141 00:12:15,209 --> 00:12:17,848 If we don't rehearse, we don't play. 142 00:12:18,249 --> 00:12:21,321 And if we don't play, that runs into money. 143 00:12:21,729 --> 00:12:26,678 How much for running into an open manhole? - Just a cover charge. 144 00:12:27,689 --> 00:12:30,886 Well, drop in some time. - Sewer. 145 00:12:31,289 --> 00:12:35,077 Well, we cleaned that up pretty well. - Let's see how we stand. 146 00:12:35,489 --> 00:12:36,842 Flat-footed. 147 00:12:37,249 --> 00:12:41,959 Yesterday we didn't come. You remember? That's $300. 148 00:12:42,369 --> 00:12:44,758 Yesterday you didn't come. That's $300? 149 00:12:45,169 --> 00:12:46,761 Oh, that's reasonable. 150 00:12:47,169 --> 00:12:50,559 Today we did come... - You owe us 100. 151 00:12:50,969 --> 00:12:53,164 I bet I'm gonna lose on the deal. 152 00:12:53,569 --> 00:12:56,367 Tomorrow we leave. That's worth... - A million dollars. 153 00:12:56,769 --> 00:13:00,318 Yeah, that's alright for me, but I got a partner. 154 00:13:01,049 --> 00:13:02,960 The Professor. 155 00:13:21,409 --> 00:13:24,162 The gates swung open and a Fig Newton entered. 156 00:13:24,569 --> 00:13:26,127 How do you do? 157 00:13:27,129 --> 00:13:28,528 Goodness. 158 00:13:41,569 --> 00:13:43,878 You haven't got chocolate, have you? 159 00:13:46,249 --> 00:13:49,924 He's got everything. - Hives, take the Professor's hat and coat. 160 00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:52,365 And send for the fumigators. 161 00:13:58,169 --> 00:14:01,241 Don't you see that there are ladies present? Put that hat down. 162 00:14:01,649 --> 00:14:04,925 What are you doing? Get out of here. Go on. 163 00:15:09,969 --> 00:15:12,005 A little more to the right. 164 00:15:13,609 --> 00:15:15,486 That's better. 165 00:15:23,329 --> 00:15:27,766 See that the drape is well-hung. The mistress will inspect it later. 166 00:15:28,169 --> 00:15:30,729 Hello, Hives. - Mrs. Whitehead! 167 00:15:31,449 --> 00:15:34,168 This is a surprise. - And how about me? - Miss Grace! 168 00:15:34,569 --> 00:15:38,960 You've grown so. - You haven't lost any weight, either. 169 00:15:39,369 --> 00:15:40,768 No, unfortunately not. 170 00:15:41,169 --> 00:15:44,605 It seems strange to find you working here instead of our own home. 171 00:15:45,009 --> 00:15:48,843 After you left for Europe, Mrs. Rittenhouse made me an offer. 172 00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:54,118 Lovely. By the way, what's the secret about the painting? 173 00:15:54,529 --> 00:15:56,918 No secret. It's Beaugard's "After the Hunt". 174 00:15:57,329 --> 00:16:00,401 The original? - Most original. 175 00:16:01,569 --> 00:16:02,638 Be careful. 176 00:16:03,849 --> 00:16:05,885 Where did she get that? 177 00:16:06,289 --> 00:16:09,599 Is it very valuable? - It must be worth a fortune. 178 00:16:10,009 --> 00:16:13,558 It looks as if Mrs. Rittenhouse gets the Social Award of the Season. 179 00:16:13,969 --> 00:16:16,961 Can't we do something? - We might shoot ourselves. 180 00:16:17,369 --> 00:16:19,519 I'd rather shoot Mrs. Rittenhouse. 181 00:16:19,929 --> 00:16:24,480 I have an idea. I copied that painting at art school a year ago. 182 00:16:24,889 --> 00:16:26,720 Well, what of it? 183 00:16:29,409 --> 00:16:31,240 But I still don't get it. 184 00:16:31,649 --> 00:16:34,800 I'll get the copy. We'll substitute it for the original 185 00:16:35,209 --> 00:16:40,442 and when she unveils it, she'll have a cruel imitation. 186 00:16:40,849 --> 00:16:44,319 Grace, you're wonderful. - That's what I've been telling you. 187 00:16:44,729 --> 00:16:47,846 I won't be long. - Alright. See you later. 188 00:16:52,129 --> 00:16:53,642 Oh, Hives? 189 00:16:55,049 --> 00:16:59,361 Do you still feel a bond between us? - Most certainly, Mrs. Whitehead. 190 00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:03,648 Strong enough for you to do me a big favor? - Anything at all. 191 00:17:04,049 --> 00:17:07,246 If I were to ask you to take away the Beaugard... 192 00:17:07,649 --> 00:17:10,209 Do you mean... - Temporarily, of course. 193 00:17:10,609 --> 00:17:15,125 And substitute something of my own? - Quite an unusual request. 194 00:17:15,529 --> 00:17:20,045 It is, but somehow I still think of you as one of the Whiteheads. 195 00:17:21,409 --> 00:17:25,118 You may count on me. My soul is yours, 196 00:17:25,529 --> 00:17:28,726 even though my body may belong to Mrs. Rittenhouse. 197 00:17:29,129 --> 00:17:30,164 Why, Hives! 198 00:17:32,569 --> 00:17:35,367 Oh, Mrs. Whitehead! - Arabella! 199 00:17:35,769 --> 00:17:39,159 May I present Mr. Parker? - Of the Massachusetts' Parkers? 200 00:17:39,569 --> 00:17:42,163 Why, no. - Then the Southern Parkers? 201 00:17:42,569 --> 00:17:47,438 No, the Central Parkers. You know, the Benches and Trees. 202 00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:49,601 I see. 203 00:17:50,009 --> 00:17:51,203 Meow! 204 00:17:52,209 --> 00:17:54,359 Oh, I don't like that woman. 205 00:17:54,769 --> 00:17:57,761 You sit down here and tell me whom you do like. 206 00:17:58,169 --> 00:18:03,721 Oh, so that's your game. - Vow listen. Do you really love me? 207 00:18:04,489 --> 00:18:07,765 Marry me and find out. - Marry you? 208 00:18:08,169 --> 00:18:12,879 On what? Last year I sold 2 paintings. One at 100 and one at 50. 209 00:18:13,289 --> 00:18:17,760 Could we live on $150 a year? - We wouldn't need money. 210 00:18:18,169 --> 00:18:21,957 I've got a charge account in every shop on 5th Avenue. 211 00:18:22,849 --> 00:18:27,764 If I had any brains, I'd give up painting and get a regular job. 212 00:18:28,169 --> 00:18:31,479 I had a cousin who made $50,000 in Wall Street last year. 213 00:18:31,889 --> 00:18:37,122 I don't wanna marry your cousin. I'm a darn fool and wanna marry you. 214 00:18:37,529 --> 00:18:38,405 Say... 215 00:18:39,169 --> 00:18:42,206 we could get that old bluff Chandler to buy a portrait from you. 216 00:18:42,609 --> 00:18:45,248 Chandler? What does he know about art? 217 00:18:45,649 --> 00:18:49,085 The less he knows, the easier it'll be for you. 218 00:18:49,489 --> 00:18:54,882 They're right upstairs. You can't miss them. Go round the other side. 219 00:18:56,049 --> 00:18:57,641 Mrs. Rittenhouse. 220 00:19:00,529 --> 00:19:03,362 Captain Spaulding! How are you? 221 00:19:04,129 --> 00:19:09,283 Tell me. Are you alone? - Captain, I don't understand. 222 00:19:09,689 --> 00:19:13,284 You don't? Don't give me that innocent stuff or you'll be alone. 223 00:19:14,009 --> 00:19:17,399 A big cluck like you turning cute on me! 224 00:19:19,689 --> 00:19:21,520 Mrs. Rittenhouse... - Yes? 225 00:19:21,929 --> 00:19:23,806 Oh, pardon me. 226 00:19:24,209 --> 00:19:26,279 You've been affected like this before? 227 00:19:26,689 --> 00:19:28,964 Oh no, Captain. - You will be. 228 00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:31,361 Mrs. Rittenhouse... 229 00:19:31,769 --> 00:19:34,886 Ever since I've met you, I've swept you off my feet. 230 00:19:35,289 --> 00:19:40,409 Something has been beating in me like the incessant tom-tom in the jungle. 231 00:19:40,809 --> 00:19:44,165 Something that I must ask you. - What is it, Captain? 232 00:19:44,569 --> 00:19:48,244 Would you wash a pair of socks for me? - I'm surprised. 233 00:19:48,649 --> 00:19:52,961 It's been on my mind for weeks. It's my way of saying I love you. 234 00:19:53,649 --> 00:19:56,925 I love you. I've never been... - Captain! 235 00:19:57,329 --> 00:19:59,285 Pardon me. Am I intruding? 236 00:19:59,689 --> 00:20:03,568 Are you intruding? Just when I had her on the 5-yard line. 237 00:20:03,969 --> 00:20:07,245 I should say you were intruding. Pardon, that you are intruding. 238 00:20:07,649 --> 00:20:10,083 I was using the subjunctive instead of the past tense. 239 00:20:10,489 --> 00:20:14,721 Yes, we're way past tents, we're living in bungalows now. 240 00:20:15,129 --> 00:20:18,007 Mrs. Whitehead, you haven't met Captain Spaulding, have you? 241 00:20:18,409 --> 00:20:19,524 No 242 00:20:19,929 --> 00:20:23,444 How are you? - How are you? - Fine, thank you. How are you? 243 00:20:23,849 --> 00:20:27,478 And how are you? That leaves you one up. 244 00:20:27,889 --> 00:20:31,598 Did anyone ever tell you you had beautiful eyes? - No 245 00:20:32,009 --> 00:20:34,762 Well, you have. And so have you. 246 00:20:35,169 --> 00:20:37,239 He shot her a glance. 247 00:20:37,649 --> 00:20:40,561 As a smile played around his lips. 248 00:20:41,169 --> 00:20:44,286 I've never seen four more beautiful eyes in my life. 249 00:20:44,689 --> 00:20:45,917 Well, three anyway. 250 00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:50,527 You two girls have everything. You're tall and short, slim and stout. 251 00:20:50,929 --> 00:20:55,161 Just the kind of girl I crave. We three would make an ideal couple. 252 00:20:55,569 --> 00:20:58,447 You have beauty, charm, money. You have got money? 253 00:20:58,849 --> 00:21:00,726 If not, we can quit right now. 254 00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:04,246 The Captain is charming, isn't he? - I'm fascinated. 255 00:21:04,649 --> 00:21:07,561 I'm fascinated, too. Right on the arm. 256 00:21:07,969 --> 00:21:10,085 Fascinated, whim-wham! 257 00:21:10,489 --> 00:21:13,720 If I were Eugene O'Neill, I could tell you what I really think of you two. 258 00:21:14,129 --> 00:21:16,802 You're fortunate the Theater Gill isn't putting this on. 259 00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:19,279 And so is The Gill. 260 00:21:21,209 --> 00:21:24,599 Pardon me while I have a strange interlude. 261 00:21:25,289 --> 00:21:29,840 You couple of baboons, what makes you think I'd marry either one of you? 262 00:21:30,249 --> 00:21:32,285 Strange how the wind blows tonight. 263 00:21:32,689 --> 00:21:35,567 It reminds me of poor old Marsden. 264 00:21:35,969 --> 00:21:38,199 How happy I could be with either of these two, 265 00:21:38,609 --> 00:21:41,282 if both of them just went away. 266 00:21:42,289 --> 00:21:44,757 Well, girls, will you marry me? 267 00:21:45,169 --> 00:21:49,560 Which one of us? - Both of you. Let's all get married. It's my party. 268 00:21:49,969 --> 00:21:52,005 Party... Party... 269 00:21:53,489 --> 00:21:57,402 Here I am talking of parties. I came down for a party. What happens? 270 00:21:57,809 --> 00:22:00,881 Nothing Not even ice cream. 271 00:22:01,289 --> 00:22:03,519 The gods look down and laugh. 272 00:22:03,929 --> 00:22:08,844 The world would be better for children if the parents had to eat the spinach. 273 00:22:09,249 --> 00:22:10,284 What do you say? 274 00:22:11,009 --> 00:22:14,445 We all gonna get married? - All of us? - All of us. 275 00:22:14,849 --> 00:22:17,522 That's bigamy. - Yes, and that's big of me, too. 276 00:22:17,929 --> 00:22:19,965 Let's be big for a change. 277 00:22:20,369 --> 00:22:24,044 One woman and one man was enough for your grandmother, 278 00:22:24,449 --> 00:22:27,998 but who wants to marry her? Nobody Not even your grandfather. 279 00:22:28,409 --> 00:22:32,084 Think of the honeymoon. Strictly private. No other woman allowed. 280 00:22:32,489 --> 00:22:35,765 Well, maybe one or two, but no men. I may not go myself. 281 00:22:36,169 --> 00:22:38,364 You want a companionate marriage? 282 00:22:38,769 --> 00:22:43,479 It has its advantages. You'd live with your folks, I'd live with your folks. 283 00:22:43,889 --> 00:22:46,881 And you'd sell Fuller brushes. 284 00:22:47,889 --> 00:22:49,481 Living with your folks... 285 00:22:49,969 --> 00:22:52,164 The beginning of the end. 286 00:22:52,569 --> 00:22:55,447 Drab yesterdays shutting out beautiful tomorrows. 287 00:22:55,849 --> 00:22:59,808 Hideous footsteps creaking along the misty corridors of time, 288 00:23:00,209 --> 00:23:04,282 and in those corridors I see figures. Strange figures. 289 00:23:04,689 --> 00:23:08,921 Weird figures: Steel 186, Anaconda 74, 290 00:23:09,329 --> 00:23:11,638 American Can 138. 291 00:23:13,649 --> 00:23:16,607 Where were we? Oh yes, we wanted to marry. 292 00:23:17,009 --> 00:23:22,322 What do you think? Should we? - Marriage is a noble institution. 293 00:23:25,129 --> 00:23:28,963 The foundation of the American home. - Yes, but it can't be enforced. 294 00:23:29,369 --> 00:23:32,964 It was put over on us while our boys were over there 295 00:23:33,369 --> 00:23:35,007 and our girls over here. 296 00:23:36,329 --> 00:23:39,844 I've waited at these stairs for years for just this moment. 297 00:23:40,249 --> 00:23:42,968 Captain, where are you going? - I'm sorry, ladies, 298 00:23:43,369 --> 00:23:48,443 we'll have to postpone the wedding for a few days. Maybe for a few years. 299 00:23:48,849 --> 00:23:53,127 Before I get married, I'm gonna sow a couple of wild oats. 300 00:23:53,529 --> 00:23:56,282 The Captain's so amusing. - Isn't he charming? 301 00:23:57,049 --> 00:24:00,359 That's the famous Beaugard, eh? Great picture, isn't it? 302 00:24:00,769 --> 00:24:04,921 You've seen it before? - I spent 3 days in Paris copying it. 303 00:24:05,329 --> 00:24:09,800 You did? - Me and a million other artists. 304 00:24:10,729 --> 00:24:14,404 I bet yours was better than the rest. - It wasn't bad. 305 00:24:14,809 --> 00:24:17,528 I'll show it to you sometime. 306 00:24:17,929 --> 00:24:21,478 Listen. - What? - Mother's going to unveil it tonight. 307 00:24:21,889 --> 00:24:22,924 Yeah? 308 00:24:23,329 --> 00:24:28,323 Suppose when she unveils it, it's not the Beaugard at all. 309 00:24:28,729 --> 00:24:32,438 Suppose it's yours. - You want to swap mine for his? 310 00:24:32,849 --> 00:24:36,046 Exactly. - You're crazy. What good would it do? 311 00:24:36,449 --> 00:24:38,565 What good? Listen. 312 00:24:38,969 --> 00:24:42,200 They'll unveil it. Chandler will tell everyone how fine it is. 313 00:24:42,609 --> 00:24:46,727 They'll cheer like mad, and then we'll tell them who really did it. 314 00:24:47,129 --> 00:24:50,326 They'll say you're a great artist. You'll get 6 commissions, 315 00:24:50,729 --> 00:24:53,482 and we can be married and divorced in no time. 316 00:24:54,169 --> 00:24:58,879 Sound great. But what if they don't like my painting? 317 00:24:59,289 --> 00:25:02,406 Isn't the chance worth taking? 318 00:25:05,809 --> 00:25:09,279 I see you're admiring my picture? - Yes, yes. 319 00:25:09,689 --> 00:25:13,841 Your picture? - Yes, my picture. - It don't look like you. 320 00:25:14,249 --> 00:25:17,798 Some place I met you before. Your face is very familiar. 321 00:25:18,209 --> 00:25:21,201 I am one of the most well-known men in America. 322 00:25:21,609 --> 00:25:24,203 The newspapers keep running my photograph. 323 00:25:24,609 --> 00:25:27,919 You're not Abe Kabibble? - Nonsense 324 00:25:30,649 --> 00:25:33,117 If you're not Abe Kabibble, who are you? 325 00:25:33,529 --> 00:25:35,997 Vow please. My name is Roscoe W. Chandler. 326 00:25:36,409 --> 00:25:41,164 I don't get about the name. Some place I met you before. 327 00:25:41,569 --> 00:25:44,527 Were you ever in Sing Sing? - Please. 328 00:25:44,929 --> 00:25:48,285 No I got it. Joliet! - Let me alone. 329 00:25:48,689 --> 00:25:51,522 Alright. Don't run away. Leavenworth! 330 00:25:51,929 --> 00:25:56,605 I've never been in these places. I've spent most of my time in Europe. 331 00:25:57,009 --> 00:26:00,843 I've got it now. You come from Czechoslovakia. 332 00:26:01,249 --> 00:26:03,205 You're wrong. I've never been there. 333 00:26:03,609 --> 00:26:07,397 Hey, come here. - I tell you. Get away from me. 334 00:26:07,809 --> 00:26:10,528 You remember him? He come from Czechoslovakia. 335 00:26:10,929 --> 00:26:13,045 You are wrong. I told you before. 336 00:26:13,449 --> 00:26:16,600 He come from Czechoslovakia. And I know who it is. 337 00:26:17,009 --> 00:26:21,161 Abie, the fish peddler from Czechoslovakia. - Ridiculous. 338 00:26:21,569 --> 00:26:24,447 We prove it. He had a birthmark. 339 00:26:24,849 --> 00:26:27,807 Please, what are you trying? Let me alone! 340 00:26:32,369 --> 00:26:35,918 There it is! The birthmark! Abie, the fishman. 341 00:26:36,329 --> 00:26:38,365 I confess. I was Abie. 342 00:26:38,769 --> 00:26:42,557 How did you get to be Chandler? - How did you get to be Italian? 343 00:26:42,969 --> 00:26:44,641 Whose confession is this? 344 00:26:45,049 --> 00:26:47,324 Don't tell anyone about this 345 00:26:47,729 --> 00:26:52,166 and we can come to some agreement. One that is mutually satisfactory. 346 00:26:52,569 --> 00:26:55,686 Money. Money. - Shall we say $500? 347 00:26:56,089 --> 00:26:58,478 Fie to $500! - All the cash I have with me. 348 00:26:58,889 --> 00:27:02,677 $500? I tell you what. We'll take your IOU. 349 00:27:03,089 --> 00:27:06,764 That's my best offer. - That's all you'll give? 350 00:27:07,489 --> 00:27:11,084 Abie the fishman! Abie the fishman! 351 00:27:14,049 --> 00:27:16,165 Please, be quiet. 352 00:27:16,569 --> 00:27:21,040 Come here. I have a check for $5,000. 353 00:27:21,889 --> 00:27:24,926 Is it good? - Of course. Who would give me a bad check? 354 00:27:25,329 --> 00:27:27,285 I would. See if it's good. 355 00:27:33,409 --> 00:27:36,526 Alright, if you don't want it... - That's all we get? 356 00:27:36,929 --> 00:27:40,808 Yes. - He's Abie the fishman! 357 00:27:46,689 --> 00:27:49,044 Give me that handkerchief. 358 00:27:49,449 --> 00:27:52,327 My tie! Where's my tie? 359 00:27:52,729 --> 00:27:55,289 Nothing but a pair of thieves. 360 00:27:56,049 --> 00:27:58,483 I get the tie. What you got? 361 00:27:58,889 --> 00:28:00,845 The birthmark! 362 00:28:04,369 --> 00:28:06,758 Where's your tie? - Why I... 363 00:28:07,249 --> 00:28:09,922 Fine way for a millionaire to run around. 364 00:28:10,329 --> 00:28:14,607 Have you got garters? - Of course. Oh, they've taken them. 365 00:28:15,009 --> 00:28:17,921 A likely story. Have you at least got socks? 366 00:28:18,329 --> 00:28:22,925 Certainly. Here. - They look pretty old to me. Whose are they? 367 00:28:23,329 --> 00:28:27,083 Well, old socks. Let me introduce myself. I'm Captain Spaulding. 368 00:28:27,489 --> 00:28:30,720 Roscoe W. Chandler. - This is a treat, your treat. 369 00:28:31,529 --> 00:28:33,121 You have heard about me? 370 00:28:33,529 --> 00:28:37,841 I've heard about you for years, and I'm getting pretty sick of it. 371 00:28:38,249 --> 00:28:41,525 Quite naturally, I've also heard of the great Captain Spaulding. 372 00:28:41,929 --> 00:28:43,726 Fine. I've heard of you and you've heard of me. 373 00:28:44,129 --> 00:28:48,202 Have you heard the one about the two Irishmen? - Oh yes. 374 00:28:49,689 --> 00:28:53,125 Then let's get down to business. My name is Spaulding. 375 00:28:53,529 --> 00:28:58,319 Roscoe W. Chandler. - Geoffrey T. Spaulding. What's the "T" stand for? 376 00:28:59,329 --> 00:29:02,401 Thomas? - Edgar. You were close, though. 377 00:29:02,809 --> 00:29:06,119 I want to talk to you about something. 378 00:29:06,529 --> 00:29:10,204 Would you like to finance an expedition? - That is a question. 379 00:29:10,609 --> 00:29:14,158 You certainly know a question when you see it. I congratulate you. 380 00:29:14,569 --> 00:29:18,528 And that brings us back to where we were. Will you finance an expedition? 381 00:29:18,929 --> 00:29:21,363 Do you have a particular one in mind? 382 00:29:21,769 --> 00:29:26,047 I've always wanted to do something before I quit. - What is that? 383 00:29:26,449 --> 00:29:29,327 Retire. Vow, would you be interested? 384 00:29:29,729 --> 00:29:34,280 My retirement would be the greatest contribution to science ever. 385 00:29:34,689 --> 00:29:37,408 This is your chance. When I think what you have done for this country. 386 00:29:37,809 --> 00:29:39,800 What have you done, by the way? - Oh well... 387 00:29:40,209 --> 00:29:43,360 I've always tried to do what I could. Especially for art. 388 00:29:43,769 --> 00:29:46,920 How have we drifted around to that? What is your opinion of art? 389 00:29:47,329 --> 00:29:50,207 I'm glad you asked. - I withdraw the question. 390 00:29:50,609 --> 00:29:53,567 He takes things seriously. You can't ask a simple question. 391 00:29:53,969 --> 00:29:58,759 Where will you build your new opera house? - Near Central Park. 392 00:29:59,169 --> 00:30:01,319 Why not right in Central Park? - Could we? 393 00:30:01,729 --> 00:30:03,208 At night, when no one's looking. 394 00:30:03,609 --> 00:30:07,397 Better yet, in the reservoir. But that could interfere with the water supply. 395 00:30:07,809 --> 00:30:11,563 After all, art is art. On the other hand, water is water. 396 00:30:11,969 --> 00:30:13,368 And east is east, west is west. 397 00:30:13,769 --> 00:30:18,320 If you stew cranberries like applesauce, they tastes like prunes. 398 00:30:18,729 --> 00:30:21,197 Vow tell me what you know. 399 00:30:21,609 --> 00:30:24,077 I would gladly giving you my opinion. 400 00:30:24,489 --> 00:30:27,401 Dandy, I'll ask you for them someday. 401 00:30:27,809 --> 00:30:29,686 Can you be in my office at 10 tomorrow? 402 00:30:30,089 --> 00:30:33,684 Ask for my secretary. If he sees you, I'll discharge him. 403 00:30:34,089 --> 00:30:37,320 Saturday at 3. No, make that Tuesday. I'm going to Europe Monday. 404 00:30:37,729 --> 00:30:40,562 My name is Spaulding. I've always wanted to meet you. 405 00:30:40,969 --> 00:30:43,608 What do you think of the problems of traffic and marriage? 406 00:30:44,009 --> 00:30:46,569 What do you think of when you go to bed, you beast? 407 00:30:47,289 --> 00:30:51,567 Well, I... - I'd rather not hear it. There are children present. 408 00:30:51,969 --> 00:30:55,882 My dear Captain, it boils down to a question of money. 409 00:30:56,289 --> 00:30:58,962 The nickel is not what it was 10 years ago. 410 00:30:59,369 --> 00:31:02,839 I'll go further than that. It's not what it was 15 years ago. 411 00:31:03,249 --> 00:31:06,286 You know what this country needs? A 7-cent nickel. 412 00:31:06,689 --> 00:31:09,806 We've had the 5-cent nickel since 1492. 413 00:31:10,209 --> 00:31:12,006 Nearly 100 years. 414 00:31:12,409 --> 00:31:16,527 Let's give the 7-cent nickel a chance, and then try an 8-cent nickel. 415 00:31:16,929 --> 00:31:19,841 You buy a 3-cent paper and get the same nickel back. 416 00:31:20,249 --> 00:31:22,888 One nickel carefully used would last a family a lifetime. 417 00:31:23,289 --> 00:31:26,884 I think that's a wonderful idea. - Really? - Yes. 418 00:31:27,289 --> 00:31:30,440 Then there can't be much to it. Forget it. 419 00:31:30,849 --> 00:31:34,205 Tell me, Captain Chandler... Excuse me, Spaulding. 420 00:31:34,609 --> 00:31:39,160 I'm Spaulding. You're Chandler. Let's have no more of this. 421 00:31:39,569 --> 00:31:42,800 Alright. - Bad enough being Spaulding. - Tell me, Captain Spaulding... 422 00:31:43,209 --> 00:31:45,086 Spaulding is the right name? - Right. 423 00:31:45,489 --> 00:31:47,923 I'm Chand... No, I'm Spauld... 424 00:31:48,329 --> 00:31:53,039 Show me the program. For all he knows, I might be coming next week. 425 00:31:53,449 --> 00:31:55,599 Captain Spaulding, you're quite a traveler. 426 00:31:56,009 --> 00:31:58,523 How about South America? I'm going there soon. 427 00:31:58,929 --> 00:32:00,521 Where exactly? - Uruguay. 428 00:32:00,929 --> 00:32:05,161 You go your-a-way, I'll go mine. Let's change the subject. 429 00:32:05,569 --> 00:32:08,800 Take the foreign situation. Take Abyssinia. 430 00:32:09,209 --> 00:32:11,359 And I'll take a hot butterscotch sundae on rye. 431 00:32:11,769 --> 00:32:15,125 Let's see what the boys in the back room are up to. 432 00:32:22,449 --> 00:32:26,601 Let's see how yours compares with the original. - Alright. 433 00:32:29,049 --> 00:32:33,998 No difference! - Look closer. Maybe you'll find it's better. 434 00:32:41,609 --> 00:32:44,442 You seen my partner? - No 435 00:32:52,649 --> 00:32:54,446 Oh, Mr. Raviola! 436 00:32:54,849 --> 00:32:59,843 Ravelli. Ravelli. - Oh, Mr. Ravelli. Would you do something for me? 437 00:33:00,249 --> 00:33:02,968 I'd do anything for you. What do ya want? 438 00:33:03,369 --> 00:33:06,042 You see that painting? - You mean this piksh? 439 00:33:06,449 --> 00:33:10,362 Take it out of the frame and put this one in its place. 440 00:33:10,769 --> 00:33:15,126 You want I should take this one down and put this one upstairs? - Yes. 441 00:33:15,529 --> 00:33:19,920 You want I should steal? - No It's not stealing. 442 00:33:20,329 --> 00:33:24,925 Then I couldn't do it. - Oh, Mr. Raviola! 443 00:33:34,809 --> 00:33:37,084 Hey, get up. Come here. 444 00:33:37,489 --> 00:33:41,118 That's all you do. Chase the women. Oh, stop. 445 00:33:41,529 --> 00:33:43,520 Everybody plays cards, but they don't ask us. 446 00:33:43,929 --> 00:33:47,808 We just wasting our time. We've been here all day. 447 00:33:48,209 --> 00:33:54,284 How much we make? Nothing Soon we go to the old ladies' home. 448 00:33:54,689 --> 00:33:58,728 How do you like that? No, that's no good. 449 00:34:00,009 --> 00:34:04,002 These people here got money. We gotta find someone to play with us. 450 00:34:04,409 --> 00:34:06,969 I'd play anything. Poker, pinochle... - Signor Ravelli, 451 00:34:07,369 --> 00:34:11,487 I want to talk to you about the music. What's wrong with you? 452 00:34:11,889 --> 00:34:14,278 It would be nice... Go away from me! 453 00:34:14,689 --> 00:34:15,758 What is this? 454 00:34:17,729 --> 00:34:20,960 Hello, Professor. What's the matter with his feet? 455 00:34:21,369 --> 00:34:25,157 We play all kinds of games. Blackjack, soccer... 456 00:34:44,609 --> 00:34:47,726 One, two, three... 457 00:35:21,289 --> 00:35:24,281 Why don't you leave him alone? 458 00:35:26,769 --> 00:35:29,647 Vow that this game is over, how about some bridge? 459 00:35:30,049 --> 00:35:32,961 You play bridge? - A little. - What do you play for? 460 00:35:33,369 --> 00:35:37,362 Just for small stakes. - And french-fried potatoes? 461 00:35:38,369 --> 00:35:41,281 Set it up right over there, Hives. - Very good, madam. 462 00:35:45,929 --> 00:35:49,160 What is he up to? Look at this. 463 00:35:57,289 --> 00:35:59,962 Take it away, Hives. - Extraordinary. 464 00:36:00,369 --> 00:36:04,328 How do you want to play? Honest? - I hope so. 465 00:36:04,729 --> 00:36:07,323 You put that right away. 466 00:36:07,729 --> 00:36:09,685 It's your own fault. 467 00:36:11,329 --> 00:36:15,163 We'll cut for partners. - No, I only play if he's my partner. 468 00:36:15,569 --> 00:36:18,367 It's against the rules. We have to cut for partners. 469 00:36:18,769 --> 00:36:22,682 Alright, we cut for partners. I got ace of spades. 470 00:36:23,089 --> 00:36:25,125 He's got ace of spades. 471 00:36:25,849 --> 00:36:27,248 Coincidences! 472 00:36:27,649 --> 00:36:30,527 Two aces of spades? - Yeah, he's got thousands of them. 473 00:36:30,929 --> 00:36:35,400 He has the choice of seat then. - You have the choice of seat. 474 00:36:35,809 --> 00:36:38,403 Not on her lap. - Sit down. 475 00:36:38,809 --> 00:36:42,358 What's the matter with him? - He thought it was contact bridge. 476 00:36:42,769 --> 00:36:47,843 Just a moment. Shuffle the cards. - You gotta scrumble them up. 477 00:37:00,569 --> 00:37:03,481 Just a moment. I'd like to cut them. 478 00:37:24,529 --> 00:37:26,679 That's a winner. 479 00:37:47,009 --> 00:37:49,523 Your bid, partner. 480 00:37:49,929 --> 00:37:51,885 You pass? 481 00:37:52,649 --> 00:37:54,367 Misdeal. 482 00:37:54,769 --> 00:37:57,567 You pass? I bid one spade. 483 00:37:57,969 --> 00:38:00,802 I pass. - Three spades. 484 00:38:01,209 --> 00:38:02,847 Four spades. 485 00:38:04,329 --> 00:38:08,641 One club. - I don't understand this bidding. 486 00:38:09,049 --> 00:38:11,517 You don't have to. 487 00:38:13,089 --> 00:38:16,081 You bid four spades, eh? 488 00:38:16,529 --> 00:38:20,124 I haven't a spade in my hand. - Alright. We double. 489 00:38:20,529 --> 00:38:23,521 Something's wrong here. Let's do over the bidding. 490 00:38:23,929 --> 00:38:28,127 Oh, she want to bid again. He bids one. 491 00:38:28,529 --> 00:38:32,044 One? One what? - That's alright. You'll find out. 492 00:38:32,449 --> 00:38:36,488 But we have to know what he's bidding. - Later. Vow I bid two. 493 00:38:36,889 --> 00:38:41,599 Two what? - Two of the same he bids. Vow the bidding's over. That's enough. 494 00:38:42,009 --> 00:38:43,408 It's your lead. 495 00:38:43,809 --> 00:38:46,118 You can't lead that. - Why not? 496 00:38:46,529 --> 00:38:49,999 We can't take it. - What should I lead? 497 00:38:50,409 --> 00:38:54,118 He'll show you. Ace of spades. That's-a very good. 498 00:38:55,049 --> 00:38:57,768 Three of spades. Four of spades. 499 00:38:59,889 --> 00:39:01,322 You trump it? 500 00:39:03,609 --> 00:39:05,679 You call that finesse. 501 00:39:06,969 --> 00:39:09,802 No spades, partner. No spades. 502 00:39:18,049 --> 00:39:19,528 Ace of hearts. 503 00:39:25,809 --> 00:39:27,083 Ace of clubs. 504 00:39:30,329 --> 00:39:33,366 Dummy leads. The dummy leads. 505 00:39:33,769 --> 00:39:37,318 I'm not the dummy. - Well, you could be. 506 00:39:39,569 --> 00:39:41,400 Ace of diamonds. 507 00:39:42,809 --> 00:39:44,481 Hundred aces, eh? 508 00:39:44,889 --> 00:39:47,449 Two hundred? That's better. 509 00:39:48,289 --> 00:39:51,520 Ace of hearts. Atta boy. Make a big slam. 510 00:39:52,489 --> 00:39:54,798 Make a big, big slam. 511 00:39:55,209 --> 00:39:56,767 Ace of spades. 512 00:40:01,329 --> 00:40:02,557 Ace of spades. 513 00:40:02,969 --> 00:40:05,847 That's a good guy. Plays a good game. 514 00:40:06,849 --> 00:40:10,000 Ace of spades. Plays a fine game. 515 00:40:11,489 --> 00:40:13,525 Ace of spades. - I refuse to play any longer. 516 00:40:13,929 --> 00:40:17,808 You're nothing but two cardsharps. - My shoes are gone. 517 00:40:18,209 --> 00:40:21,360 Graciousness. He has your slippers. Come along. 518 00:40:23,049 --> 00:40:25,324 Hey, you take-a the ladies' shoes? 519 00:40:51,529 --> 00:40:53,201 Quiet! 520 00:41:00,529 --> 00:41:02,759 Hide. Somebody's coming. 521 00:41:04,929 --> 00:41:08,126 Alright, I make a mistake. Get up, come on. 522 00:41:10,689 --> 00:41:12,645 Come on. Hurry up. 523 00:41:13,009 --> 00:41:16,638 You know what we do? We hang that picture upstairs, for the lady. 524 00:41:17,049 --> 00:41:19,324 Don't touch. You got everything ready? 525 00:41:19,729 --> 00:41:22,960 Shovel, axe, dynamite, pineapples? Where's the flash? 526 00:41:25,049 --> 00:41:28,837 Flash, flash. That's no the flash. 527 00:41:34,449 --> 00:41:38,078 That's a fish! I don't want the fish. Flash! 528 00:41:38,489 --> 00:41:40,207 Stop it. You crazy. 529 00:41:40,609 --> 00:41:44,284 When you go out at night, you gotta have the flash. 530 00:41:45,489 --> 00:41:48,367 That's no flash. That's a flisk. Flash. 531 00:41:48,769 --> 00:41:51,841 When you wanna see somebody, you gotta have the flash. 532 00:41:52,249 --> 00:41:55,924 That's a flush. What I gonna do with the flush? 533 00:41:56,329 --> 00:41:59,560 That's a flitz. What I gonna do with flitz? 534 00:41:59,969 --> 00:42:01,527 What do ya got? 535 00:42:02,129 --> 00:42:03,687 That's a flutz. 536 00:42:04,089 --> 00:42:08,241 All you got is a fish and a flutz and a flitz and a flutz... 537 00:42:08,649 --> 00:42:11,288 Stop this. Where's the flash? 538 00:42:12,529 --> 00:42:16,727 Look, when everything's light and you wanna make 'em dark. What ya do? 539 00:42:17,889 --> 00:42:21,006 Hey, you crazy. I want no blackjack. 540 00:42:21,409 --> 00:42:26,324 My mistake. When everything's dark and you wanna make 'em light. 541 00:42:26,729 --> 00:42:29,926 Yeah, that's a flash. That's a flash. 542 00:42:35,689 --> 00:42:37,247 Hey, that's good, alright. 543 00:42:37,649 --> 00:42:41,437 The storm put the lights out. Nobody can see what we do. 544 00:42:41,849 --> 00:42:43,680 Where's the flash? 545 00:42:44,089 --> 00:42:46,080 Where's the flash? 546 00:42:46,489 --> 00:42:49,049 I no want the fish. Flash. 547 00:42:49,449 --> 00:42:52,441 No, no flutz. What's the matter with you? 548 00:42:53,369 --> 00:42:56,122 Flash. Before the people are coming. 549 00:42:56,529 --> 00:43:00,727 What's a matter? You lose it? You gotta find it. Look for it. 550 00:43:02,329 --> 00:43:04,968 Alright, never mind. We'll work without it. 551 00:43:14,809 --> 00:43:18,085 Hide! Hide! Somebody's coming. Hide. 552 00:43:19,049 --> 00:43:22,086 Quiet, quiet. Shut up. 553 00:43:22,489 --> 00:43:26,528 Keep quiet. I know where you are. It's alright. 554 00:43:27,329 --> 00:43:30,878 Oh, Captain Spaulding, where are you? - Yeah? 555 00:43:31,289 --> 00:43:33,120 Oh, Captain... - What's the trouble? 556 00:43:33,529 --> 00:43:38,080 The lights have gone out. You can't see your hand before your face. 557 00:43:38,489 --> 00:43:40,559 It wouldn't be very pleasant, anyway. 558 00:43:40,969 --> 00:43:45,042 Well, I'm going to take a nap. Leave me a call for three o'clock. 559 00:43:47,569 --> 00:43:49,639 Make it three-thirty. 560 00:43:50,049 --> 00:43:51,846 The service here is excellent. 561 00:43:52,249 --> 00:43:55,082 Pardon me, did you lose a fish? - What? 562 00:43:55,489 --> 00:43:59,528 Somebody lost it. Will you have it fried for me? 563 00:43:59,929 --> 00:44:01,760 Did you hear that? 564 00:44:02,169 --> 00:44:04,239 Somebody's over there. 565 00:44:04,649 --> 00:44:09,564 I say somebody's over there. - Nonsense The house is settling. 566 00:44:09,969 --> 00:44:12,642 Anybody over there? - I don't see anybody. 567 00:44:13,049 --> 00:44:17,088 There you are. If anybody was there, he'd see him, wouldn't I? 568 00:44:19,049 --> 00:44:21,847 What is it, Captain? What is it? 569 00:44:22,249 --> 00:44:25,525 You know what I think? I think you got roaches. 570 00:44:34,009 --> 00:44:38,207 You got roaches alright. And the biggest one has asthma. 571 00:44:38,609 --> 00:44:40,361 Horrible! Come on, Captain. 572 00:44:40,769 --> 00:44:45,160 This can't be the library. This must be the operating room. 573 00:44:45,569 --> 00:44:48,641 We get the picture and we don't make a sound. 574 00:44:49,049 --> 00:44:50,721 Somebody turned on the lights. 575 00:44:51,129 --> 00:44:55,600 Alright, we get the picture and don't make one sound. 576 00:44:58,009 --> 00:45:00,728 What do you want? Oh, the fish. Go on. 577 00:45:03,129 --> 00:45:07,281 That's some storm, eh? A regular tornado. 578 00:45:07,689 --> 00:45:09,964 Let's go this way. I think it's a shortcut. 579 00:45:10,369 --> 00:45:12,485 Come on, let's go. 580 00:45:14,249 --> 00:45:16,001 California. 581 00:45:21,569 --> 00:45:24,527 Before we start the musical program, 582 00:45:24,929 --> 00:45:28,399 Captain Spaulding will tell us about his trip to Africa. 583 00:45:28,809 --> 00:45:31,039 Captain Spaulding. - Me? 584 00:45:33,889 --> 00:45:39,088 Friends, I'm going to tell you of that great, mysterious, wonderful Africa. 585 00:45:39,489 --> 00:45:42,287 Africa is God's country, and he can have it. 586 00:45:42,689 --> 00:45:47,319 We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February 2. 587 00:45:47,729 --> 00:45:52,519 After 15 days on the water and 6 on the boat, we reached Africa. 588 00:45:52,929 --> 00:45:56,842 We proceeded 300 miles inland, where I shot a polar bear. 589 00:45:57,249 --> 00:46:01,606 This bear was 6' 7" in its stockinged feet, with shoes on. - Just a moment. 590 00:46:02,729 --> 00:46:05,402 I always thought polar bears lived in the frozen north. 591 00:46:05,809 --> 00:46:09,040 You did? This one was anemic and couldn't stand the cold. 592 00:46:09,449 --> 00:46:12,043 He was a rich bear and could afford the trip. 593 00:46:12,449 --> 00:46:15,122 You take care of your animals, and I'll take care of mine. 594 00:46:15,529 --> 00:46:18,043 Frozen north, my eye! 595 00:46:18,889 --> 00:46:21,164 From our arrival, we led an active life. 596 00:46:21,569 --> 00:46:24,879 The first morning saw us up at 6, breakfasted and back in bed at 7. 597 00:46:25,289 --> 00:46:30,044 This went on for 3 months. We got so we were able to be in bed by 6:30. 598 00:46:30,449 --> 00:46:33,088 One morning I was smoking some meat... 599 00:46:33,489 --> 00:46:36,606 Smoking some meat? - Yes, there was no cigar store. 600 00:46:37,009 --> 00:46:40,001 I was sitting in front of the cabin, when I bagged 6 tigers. 601 00:46:40,409 --> 00:46:43,481 Captain. Did you catch 6 tigers? 602 00:46:43,889 --> 00:46:47,359 I begged them to go away, but they hung around all day. 603 00:46:47,769 --> 00:46:50,567 They were the most persistent tigers I've ever seen. 604 00:46:50,969 --> 00:46:55,599 The principal animals in Africa are moose, elks and Knights of Pythias. 605 00:46:56,009 --> 00:46:58,443 You all know what a moose is. 606 00:46:58,849 --> 00:47:01,647 The first day I shot two bucks. 607 00:47:02,049 --> 00:47:03,767 As I say, you all know what a moose is. 608 00:47:04,169 --> 00:47:07,605 A moose eats cheese and is chased by cats. 609 00:47:08,009 --> 00:47:12,924 The elks live in the hills, and hold their convention in the spring. 610 00:47:13,329 --> 00:47:15,445 It's interesting when they come to the waterhole. 611 00:47:15,849 --> 00:47:18,647 Boy, do they run when they see it's only a waterhole. 612 00:47:19,049 --> 00:47:21,483 What they're looking for is an alco-hole. 613 00:47:21,889 --> 00:47:24,198 One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. 614 00:47:24,609 --> 00:47:26,440 How he got in them, I don't know. 615 00:47:26,849 --> 00:47:29,238 We tried to remove the tusks. 616 00:47:29,649 --> 00:47:31,765 That's not so easy to say, tusks. 617 00:47:32,169 --> 00:47:33,921 Oh, simple. Tusks. 618 00:47:34,329 --> 00:47:37,321 My name is Spaulding. I've always wanted to meet you. 619 00:47:37,729 --> 00:47:42,200 As I say, we tried to remove the tusks, but we couldn't budge them. 620 00:47:42,609 --> 00:47:48,400 In Alabama, the tusks are looser. But that's entirely ir-elephant. 621 00:47:48,809 --> 00:47:51,403 We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. 622 00:47:51,809 --> 00:47:54,164 But we're going back in a couple of weeks... 623 00:47:54,569 --> 00:47:57,402 Very enlightening. - Hooray for Captain Spaulding. 624 00:47:57,809 --> 00:47:59,686 Three cheers! 625 00:48:00,529 --> 00:48:03,043 Three cheers for Captain Spaulding! 626 00:48:03,449 --> 00:48:07,761 Three cheers... - No one asked for the chairs. 627 00:48:08,169 --> 00:48:10,444 Put them back. Vow get along. 628 00:48:12,089 --> 00:48:13,363 Go on, go on! 629 00:48:13,769 --> 00:48:19,321 And now, friends, Signor Ravelli will oblige us at the piano. 630 00:48:22,529 --> 00:48:25,248 His first selection is "Somewhere My Love Lies Sleeping" 631 00:48:25,649 --> 00:48:27,799 with a male chorus. 632 00:49:26,529 --> 00:49:30,283 Say, if you get near a song, play it. 633 00:49:36,569 --> 00:49:39,242 I can't think of the finish. 634 00:49:41,129 --> 00:49:44,599 That's strange. I can't think of anything else. 635 00:49:45,329 --> 00:49:48,127 You know what? I think I went past it. 636 00:49:48,569 --> 00:49:51,561 If you come around again, jump off. 637 00:49:51,969 --> 00:49:55,484 I once kept this up for three days. 638 00:49:55,889 --> 00:49:59,598 You wouldn't consider hush money, would you? 639 00:50:00,449 --> 00:50:04,920 I can't get 'em now. I've gotta wait for inspiration. - It's about time. 640 00:50:05,329 --> 00:50:07,524 Play the song about Montreal. - Montreal? 641 00:50:07,929 --> 00:50:10,762 "I'm A Dreamer, Montreal." 642 00:50:11,169 --> 00:50:15,526 Don't know it. I'll play one of my own compositions, by Victor Herbert. 643 00:50:15,929 --> 00:50:17,840 Make it short. 644 00:52:19,609 --> 00:52:21,679 He plays them both well. 645 00:52:33,809 --> 00:52:36,562 Your team scored that time. 646 00:52:38,009 --> 00:52:39,328 And the old blue one. 647 00:52:39,729 --> 00:52:43,881 Why do you push? - They may exterminate each other. 648 00:52:44,289 --> 00:52:47,087 The best thing for either of them. 649 00:52:47,489 --> 00:52:49,844 That one's for old Purdue. 650 00:53:01,929 --> 00:53:03,408 I was afraid of that. 651 00:53:04,249 --> 00:53:07,446 I thought I had the finish. - I wish you did. Yours. 652 00:53:07,849 --> 00:53:10,568 Play the song about the Irish chiropodist. 653 00:53:10,969 --> 00:53:13,403 "My Fate Is In Your Hands". 654 00:53:47,369 --> 00:53:49,837 Is there a horse in the house? They got everything else here. 655 00:53:50,249 --> 00:53:52,763 And now, Mrs. Rittenrotten... 656 00:53:53,169 --> 00:53:56,320 Rittenhouse. - Yes, a slight error. I have a surprise for you. 657 00:53:56,729 --> 00:53:58,560 The man is here for the piano. - Oh, Captain! 658 00:53:58,969 --> 00:54:03,804 When I departed from the natives in Africa, they gave me a gift. 659 00:54:04,209 --> 00:54:08,122 And this I give to you, at a low fare. - How wonderful. 660 00:54:08,969 --> 00:54:12,723 Don't be too hasty... - I can't wait... 661 00:54:13,249 --> 00:54:15,763 It was all done with the white of an egg. 662 00:54:16,169 --> 00:54:18,444 What is it, Captain? 663 00:54:18,849 --> 00:54:22,558 What is it? It's a hope chest for a guinea pig. 664 00:54:22,969 --> 00:54:26,803 This magnificent chest... No, this magnificent chest 665 00:54:27,209 --> 00:54:32,283 I present to you with my compliments. - This leaves me speechless. 666 00:54:32,689 --> 00:54:35,726 See that you remain that way. - And now, ladies and gentlemen... 667 00:54:36,129 --> 00:54:37,482 Step outside and say that. 668 00:54:37,889 --> 00:54:44,078 Mrs. Rittenhouse has perhaps a greater surprise for us in the library. 669 00:54:44,489 --> 00:54:46,207 This way, Captain. 670 00:54:50,929 --> 00:54:56,128 Mrs. Rittenhouse, how do you pay Hives? By the week or by the pound? 671 00:55:11,609 --> 00:55:15,158 And now it is my privilege to reveal the masterpiece 672 00:55:15,569 --> 00:55:19,164 of François Jacques DuBois Gilbert Beaugard. 673 00:55:19,849 --> 00:55:23,444 No trains will be sold after the magazines leave the depot. 674 00:55:24,249 --> 00:55:26,285 "After the Hunt." 675 00:55:30,769 --> 00:55:34,205 There! I said you were a great artist. 676 00:55:34,609 --> 00:55:37,840 Shall we spill the beans? - Wait. Something might happen. 677 00:55:38,249 --> 00:55:41,764 We'd all enjoy a few words from Mr. Chandler, 678 00:55:42,169 --> 00:55:45,764 who will tell us something of Beaugard's life and work. 679 00:55:46,169 --> 00:55:48,046 And keep it clean! 680 00:55:48,449 --> 00:55:50,167 Mr. Chandler! 681 00:55:55,369 --> 00:55:59,203 My friends, you are all familiar with Beaugard. 682 00:55:59,609 --> 00:56:02,123 This is perhaps his masterpiece. 683 00:56:02,529 --> 00:56:06,602 In it he has achieved a greatness in the handling of color and line. 684 00:56:07,009 --> 00:56:08,920 Vow you will see here... 685 00:56:09,329 --> 00:56:12,844 Wait! This is not my picture. This is a rank imitation. 686 00:56:13,249 --> 00:56:16,480 What do you mean? - See for yourself. 687 00:56:19,769 --> 00:56:23,284 You are right. It's not the Beaugard. - Certainly not. A dog is missing. 688 00:56:23,689 --> 00:56:27,477 Captain Spaulding, what shall I do? - Call the dog-catchers at once. 689 00:56:27,889 --> 00:56:33,168 They've taken the original. - I'll throw some light on this. 690 00:56:34,129 --> 00:56:37,201 Anyone have a match? - What happened? 691 00:56:37,609 --> 00:56:40,328 Hives, where are you? Turn on the lights. 692 00:56:40,729 --> 00:56:44,404 Did you lose that fish again? - I'm so worried. 693 00:56:44,809 --> 00:56:48,961 Good heavens. That one is gone, too. - Oh, this is awful. 694 00:56:49,369 --> 00:56:54,966 The crooks are escaping. Follow me, men. No, just the women! 695 00:56:55,889 --> 00:56:59,325 Right this way. They went out here. 696 00:57:03,409 --> 00:57:07,721 Oh, the excitement. I never saw anything so funny before. 697 00:57:08,129 --> 00:57:11,166 This is great. And there goes her old party. 698 00:57:11,929 --> 00:57:14,682 Wasn't it funny? - Oh, v-v-v-very. 699 00:57:15,089 --> 00:57:18,206 You're not afraid, are you? - Oh no. Not at all. 700 00:57:18,609 --> 00:57:23,967 But they were talking about the police and I don't want them suspecting me. 701 00:57:24,369 --> 00:57:27,202 They won't suspect you. - Oh yes! 702 00:57:27,609 --> 00:57:32,046 The last time they suspected me, I got four years. - Hives! 703 00:57:32,449 --> 00:57:36,442 You give me the painting, and I'll take care of it. - Good. 704 00:57:47,769 --> 00:57:50,920 Good heavens. It's gone. - Gone? - I left it in there. 705 00:57:51,649 --> 00:57:54,038 There must be thieves at this party. 706 00:57:54,449 --> 00:57:58,203 If I'd known that, I never would have come. Wait! 707 00:57:58,609 --> 00:58:01,726 That professor! - The Professor! I see! 708 00:58:02,129 --> 00:58:06,884 That's the culprit. We've got to get that picture away from him. 709 00:58:07,289 --> 00:58:12,841 Might I suggest this? Very satisfactory in these cases. 710 00:58:13,249 --> 00:58:18,164 A few drops on a handkerchief and the Professor is out. 711 00:58:18,569 --> 00:58:22,608 You're sure it'll work? - Absolutely. You want to try some? 712 00:58:23,009 --> 00:58:26,445 No thanks, Hives. Let's find the Professor. 713 00:58:34,649 --> 00:58:36,719 How did the thieves get away? And who was it? 714 00:58:37,129 --> 00:58:41,088 Lucky that we switched it. Imagine them getting the original. 715 00:58:41,489 --> 00:58:43,525 Oh? It would have been okay had they taken mine? 716 00:58:43,929 --> 00:58:47,319 I didn't mean that. But what would Mother do? 717 00:58:47,729 --> 00:58:51,517 It's worth $100,000. How could she have replaced it? 718 00:58:51,929 --> 00:58:54,045 Oh, I understand. 719 00:58:55,409 --> 00:59:02,884 Isn't it exciting? Just think, the thief was in the room with us. 720 00:59:03,289 --> 00:59:05,564 Isn't it romantic? 721 00:59:08,889 --> 00:59:15,044 All the boys I've known used to say I was made of stone. 722 00:59:15,449 --> 00:59:21,558 I would always leave them alone in despair. 723 00:59:21,969 --> 00:59:27,805 I've been on the pan, I've been called an electric fan, 724 00:59:28,209 --> 00:59:33,727 told I'm even much colder than Frigidaire. 725 00:59:34,729 --> 00:59:39,280 I began to wonder if I was all wrong. 726 00:59:39,689 --> 00:59:46,037 I thought so till you came along. 727 00:59:47,529 --> 00:59:52,523 Tell me, dear, why am I so romantic? 728 00:59:53,969 --> 00:59:58,804 When you're near, why am I so romantic? 729 01:00:00,249 --> 01:00:04,959 What a grand feeling, when your lips meet mine. 730 01:00:05,369 --> 01:00:12,161 That certain something comes stealing up and down my spine. 731 01:00:12,569 --> 01:00:17,120 I don't know what it is you've done to me. 732 01:00:18,769 --> 01:00:23,399 You don't know half of the good you do me. 733 01:00:25,009 --> 01:00:30,481 Other boys bore me, they just leave me blue. 734 01:00:30,889 --> 01:00:39,081 Oh, why am I so romantic with you? 735 01:00:41,529 --> 01:00:46,444 Tell me, dear, why am I so romantic? 736 01:00:47,769 --> 01:00:52,889 When you're near, why am I so romantic? 737 01:00:54,049 --> 01:00:58,804 What a grand feeling, when your lips touch mine. 738 01:00:59,209 --> 01:01:05,762 That certain something comes stealing up and down my spine. 739 01:01:06,529 --> 01:01:11,523 When we touch, close in your arms you hold me. 740 01:01:12,689 --> 01:01:17,683 I forget all that my mother told me. 741 01:01:18,889 --> 01:01:24,202 Other girls bore me, they just leave me blue. 742 01:01:24,609 --> 01:01:34,439 But why am I so romantic with you? 743 01:05:17,729 --> 01:05:21,039 Oh, Signor Ravelli! I've been looking for you all morning. 744 01:05:21,449 --> 01:05:24,646 I was busy all morning. - You've got to return that painting. 745 01:05:25,049 --> 01:05:26,607 Painting? What painting? 746 01:05:27,009 --> 01:05:29,569 The painting you changed last night. 747 01:05:29,969 --> 01:05:31,687 You mean the piksh? - Yes. 748 01:05:32,089 --> 01:05:36,719 First you want it upstairs, then downstairs. Make up your mind. 749 01:05:37,129 --> 01:05:41,566 I do thank you. But you've got to return it before the police come. 750 01:05:41,969 --> 01:05:46,440 The police are coming? - Yes. - I give it you. You put it back. 751 01:05:52,049 --> 01:05:53,767 Where's the piksh? - What do you mean? 752 01:05:54,169 --> 01:05:57,605 I put 'em in here. It's gone. You take 'em? - Me? 753 01:05:58,009 --> 01:06:01,126 No, I know. Abie the fish peddler. 754 01:06:01,529 --> 01:06:03,360 Did Mother invite a fish peddler here? 755 01:06:03,769 --> 01:06:08,047 I don't know, but he's here. Come on, we find him. 756 01:06:10,089 --> 01:06:13,718 Good morning. - Good morning, Mr. Jamison. How is Captain Spaulding? 757 01:06:14,129 --> 01:06:18,725 He didn't sleep a wink. He went horseback riding last night. 758 01:06:19,129 --> 01:06:22,007 I'm sorry. We've all been pretty upset. 759 01:06:22,409 --> 01:06:26,448 Good morning, Captain. Did you enjoy your ride? 760 01:06:28,369 --> 01:06:32,078 What are you looking for? - I lost my horse. 761 01:06:32,489 --> 01:06:34,878 He slipped out from between me. 762 01:06:35,289 --> 01:06:38,008 I had my feet in the stirrups, too. 763 01:06:38,409 --> 01:06:41,321 Never mind. But I lost the bit you loaned me. 764 01:06:41,729 --> 01:06:45,563 I'll get you another bit. - Then I owe you two bits. 765 01:06:45,969 --> 01:06:49,723 I hope you weren't distressed by last night's sad occurrence. 766 01:06:50,169 --> 01:06:52,399 You mean dinner? - No, the stolen painting! 767 01:06:52,809 --> 01:06:55,243 A painting was stolen? I haven't seen one in three weeks. 768 01:06:55,809 --> 01:06:59,165 Why didn't you inform me? What do I engage you for? 769 01:06:59,569 --> 01:07:02,402 I didn't know it. - You should have asked me. 770 01:07:02,809 --> 01:07:06,119 I'm sorry. - You're sorry? You're a contemptible cur! 771 01:07:06,529 --> 01:07:11,364 I repeat. You're a contemptible cur. If I were a man, you'd resent that. 772 01:07:11,769 --> 01:07:13,600 Please keep quiet! 773 01:07:14,009 --> 01:07:17,240 I can get along without you. I got along without your father. 774 01:07:17,649 --> 01:07:20,607 And your uncle. And your uncle. And my uncle. 775 01:07:21,009 --> 01:07:24,160 I didn't come to be exonerated. - I beg your pardon. 776 01:07:24,569 --> 01:07:29,518 You do, eh? I'd like to see you crawl out of a rumble seat. 777 01:07:30,529 --> 01:07:33,327 The police are here. - Have them come in. 778 01:07:33,729 --> 01:07:36,243 Oh, so that's your game. You can't shut me up! 779 01:07:36,649 --> 01:07:40,278 You can talk to my attorney. Jamison, take a letter to my lawyers. 780 01:07:40,689 --> 01:07:42,884 I'll show you a thing or two. Or three. 781 01:07:43,649 --> 01:07:46,038 I'll show you a thing or three. Sending for the police! 782 01:07:46,449 --> 01:07:49,805 Take a letter to my lawyers. Sending for the police! 783 01:07:50,209 --> 01:07:53,007 Take a letter to my lawyers. - I am. 784 01:07:53,409 --> 01:07:56,321 Read me what you have so far. 785 01:07:57,329 --> 01:07:59,559 Honorable Charles H. Hungadunga, 786 01:07:59,969 --> 01:08:02,927 c/ o Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga and McCormack. 787 01:08:04,809 --> 01:08:06,037 Semicolon. 788 01:08:06,969 --> 01:08:11,884 How do you spell "semicolon"? - Alright, make it a comma. 789 01:08:12,649 --> 01:08:16,278 Honorable Charles H. Hungadunga, Hungadunga... and McCormack. 790 01:08:16,689 --> 01:08:19,078 Gentlemen, question mark. Er-r-r! 791 01:08:20,849 --> 01:08:25,320 Do you want "er-r-r" in the letter? - No, put that in an envelope. 792 01:08:25,729 --> 01:08:27,128 Vow then... 793 01:08:27,529 --> 01:08:31,841 In re yours of the 5 inst, yours to hand and beg to rep, 794 01:08:32,249 --> 01:08:33,398 brackets, 795 01:08:33,809 --> 01:08:37,199 that we have gone over the ground carefully and we seem to believe, 796 01:08:37,609 --> 01:08:40,442 i.e., to wit, e.g., in lieu, 797 01:08:40,849 --> 01:08:45,479 that despite all our precautionary measures, 798 01:08:48,169 --> 01:08:51,559 we seem to believe it is hardly necessary for us to proceed 799 01:08:51,969 --> 01:08:56,724 unless we receive an ipso facto that is not negligible at this moment. 800 01:08:57,129 --> 01:08:59,689 Quotes, unquotes and quotes. 801 01:09:00,969 --> 01:09:03,767 Hoping this finds you... - Finds him where? 802 01:09:04,169 --> 01:09:07,525 Let him worry about that. Don't be so inquisitive. 803 01:09:07,929 --> 01:09:09,408 Sneak! 804 01:09:09,809 --> 01:09:14,087 Hoping this finds you, I beg to remain... 805 01:09:14,849 --> 01:09:18,922 I'll show you where I get off. Sending for the police. 806 01:09:19,329 --> 01:09:20,921 Vow read me the letter. 807 01:09:21,329 --> 01:09:23,479 "Honorable Charles H. Hungadunga." 808 01:09:27,569 --> 01:09:28,718 That's it. 809 01:09:29,129 --> 01:09:32,565 "C/ o Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga and McCormack." 810 01:09:32,969 --> 01:09:35,039 You've left out a Hungadunga. 811 01:09:35,449 --> 01:09:37,804 You left out the main one, too. 812 01:09:38,209 --> 01:09:41,281 Thought you could slip one over on me, didn't you? 813 01:09:41,689 --> 01:09:44,362 Alright, leave it out. Put in a windshield wiper instead. 814 01:09:44,769 --> 01:09:49,604 I tell you what. Make it three windshield wipers and one Hungadunga. 815 01:09:50,009 --> 01:09:53,604 They won't all be there when the letter arrives. 816 01:09:54,369 --> 01:09:55,927 "...and McCormack. 817 01:09:56,329 --> 01:09:59,082 Gentlemen, question mark." 818 01:09:59,489 --> 01:10:01,878 Put it on the penultimate and not on the dipthonic. 819 01:10:02,289 --> 01:10:06,362 You should brush up on your Greek. Get a Greek and brush up on him. 820 01:10:06,769 --> 01:10:08,839 "In re yours of the 5 inst." - I see. 821 01:10:09,249 --> 01:10:14,801 A lot of things you said weren't important, so I just omitted them. 822 01:10:20,489 --> 01:10:22,844 Oh Captain! Good gracious. 823 01:10:23,649 --> 01:10:28,040 Omitted them, eh? You just omitted the body of the letter, that's all. 824 01:10:28,609 --> 01:10:30,725 Just left out the body of the letter. 825 01:10:31,129 --> 01:10:35,441 Yours is not to reason why. You've left out the body. 826 01:10:35,849 --> 01:10:39,637 Alright, send it that way and tell him the body will follow. 827 01:10:41,329 --> 01:10:42,967 The body in brackets? 828 01:10:43,369 --> 01:10:46,202 No, it'll never get there in brackets. Put it in a box. 829 01:10:46,609 --> 01:10:50,648 Put it in a box and mark it 'fragilly'. 830 01:10:51,049 --> 01:10:55,201 Mark it what? - 'Fragilly! ' F-R-A-G... 831 01:10:55,889 --> 01:10:59,199 Look it up in the dictionary, under fragile. 832 01:11:00,009 --> 01:11:02,682 Look under the table if you don't find it there. 833 01:11:03,089 --> 01:11:06,206 "Quotes, unquotes and quotes." - 3 quotes? - Yes, sir. 834 01:11:06,609 --> 01:11:09,487 Add another and make it a gallon. 835 01:11:09,889 --> 01:11:12,687 Regards. - That's a fine letter, Jamison. 836 01:11:13,089 --> 01:11:16,843 That's an epic. Make two carbon copies and throw the original away. 837 01:11:17,249 --> 01:11:22,004 Then throw the copies away. Just send a stamp. Air mail. 838 01:11:22,409 --> 01:11:27,278 Mrs. Rittenhouse? I'm Inspector Hennessey. - How do you do? 839 01:11:27,689 --> 01:11:32,285 I'm Captain Scotland of Spaulding Yard. No Spaulding, Scotland Yard. 840 01:11:32,689 --> 01:11:35,078 Don't make the same mistake again. - I'm glad to know you. 841 01:11:35,489 --> 01:11:41,121 Between us we can solve this crime. Especially if you go home. 842 01:11:41,529 --> 01:11:46,683 No hasty arrests, please! I don't want my guests embarrassed. 843 01:11:47,089 --> 01:11:51,480 We won't arrest anybody. - He's lucky to not go jail himself. 844 01:11:51,889 --> 01:11:57,043 Would you take the Inspector and his men to the scene of the crime. 845 01:11:57,449 --> 01:11:59,280 Certainly. This way. 846 01:12:00,049 --> 01:12:01,880 Come on, boys. 847 01:12:06,609 --> 01:12:09,203 Jamison, count the spoons. 848 01:12:09,609 --> 01:12:13,841 I didn't know you'd been a detective. - There's a lot you don't know. 849 01:12:14,249 --> 01:12:19,846 I suppose so. - Darn right! Where were you on June 5, 1774? 850 01:12:20,249 --> 01:12:23,002 I don't know. - Where was I? 851 01:12:23,409 --> 01:12:27,925 I don't know. - Me neither. If I did, I wouldn't tell you. 852 01:12:28,329 --> 01:12:30,206 Take a number from 1 to 10. - Alright. 853 01:12:30,609 --> 01:12:33,760 Which one? - 7. - That's right. 7 is right. 854 01:12:34,169 --> 01:12:39,197 I could solve this in 5 minutes if I wanted to worry. 855 01:12:39,609 --> 01:12:44,160 I don't want you to worry. Nothing should interfere with your weekend. 856 01:12:44,569 --> 01:12:47,800 Nothing interferes with my weak end. And don't be so personal! 857 01:12:48,209 --> 01:12:53,158 Where's my secretary? Jamison! - I didn't want to offend you. 858 01:12:53,569 --> 01:12:58,324 Dastardly cracker! I wish I was in the jungle where men are monkeys. 859 01:12:58,729 --> 01:13:02,438 Captain, I'm so sorry. - Jamison! No, no. 860 01:13:04,489 --> 01:13:06,957 Good morning, Mrs. Rittenhouse! - Good morning. 861 01:13:07,369 --> 01:13:10,805 Charming party. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. 862 01:13:11,209 --> 01:13:16,920 It's just full of surprises. - Glad you're enjoying yourself. 863 01:13:18,329 --> 01:13:20,206 Hives! 864 01:13:21,089 --> 01:13:24,968 Good morning. Some breakfast? - Nothing doing. Where's the painting? 865 01:13:25,369 --> 01:13:29,647 I watched all night, but the Professor did not sleep in his room. 866 01:13:30,049 --> 01:13:33,439 Very strange. - Good heavens. What will we do? 867 01:13:33,849 --> 01:13:37,967 I don't know. Until we see the Professor... 868 01:14:10,689 --> 01:14:13,408 You keep an eye on him till I get back with the bottle. 869 01:14:13,809 --> 01:14:17,358 Don't worry, he'll not get away from me this time. 870 01:14:27,049 --> 01:14:30,598 Did you get it? - Yes. - I'll engage him in conversation. 871 01:14:31,009 --> 01:14:35,560 You trail behind and knock him out when the time comes. 872 01:14:35,969 --> 01:14:38,039 Very good, madam. 873 01:14:41,449 --> 01:14:44,725 Hello. I've been looking all over for you! Where were you? 874 01:14:45,129 --> 01:14:46,847 What's the matter with this? 875 01:14:47,249 --> 01:14:48,967 Are they the morning papers? 876 01:14:49,369 --> 01:14:53,601 No, that isn't the one I want. Show me the others. 877 01:14:54,609 --> 01:14:57,043 That still isn't the one. 878 01:15:00,729 --> 01:15:01,798 Out! 879 01:15:03,289 --> 01:15:04,517 Yes, out! 880 01:15:04,929 --> 01:15:08,604 The birds... Come on, sit down. I want to talk. 881 01:15:13,249 --> 01:15:15,080 Don't you like me? 882 01:15:15,489 --> 01:15:16,638 You don't? 883 01:15:17,049 --> 01:15:20,962 Well, I like you. I like little boys like you. 884 01:15:21,969 --> 01:15:24,358 How old are you? 885 01:15:25,369 --> 01:15:28,441 Five years old? You're just a baby. 886 01:15:36,369 --> 01:15:39,122 Oh, isn't that nice? I like that. 887 01:15:40,009 --> 01:15:41,681 No, no, no. 888 01:15:42,449 --> 01:15:46,362 All joking aside, isn't there someone you do like? 889 01:15:46,769 --> 01:15:49,522 Isn't there someone you love? 890 01:15:49,929 --> 01:15:54,525 Think again. Isn't there someone you really and truly love? 891 01:15:54,929 --> 01:15:56,647 Is there? 892 01:15:57,049 --> 01:15:59,244 Tell me who! 893 01:16:03,929 --> 01:16:07,160 Why, that's a horse! You love a horse? 894 01:16:14,409 --> 01:16:16,639 Come on, lift him up. 895 01:16:21,169 --> 01:16:24,445 Come on. He's out. - Let's go. 896 01:16:57,769 --> 01:17:01,967 Arabella! - I've been trying to find you. Ravelli has lost the painting. 897 01:17:02,369 --> 01:17:05,008 I just found one on the terrace. 898 01:17:05,409 --> 01:17:08,287 The Beaugard? - No - Oh, yours? 899 01:17:11,089 --> 01:17:14,286 If it's not yours, and not the Beaugard, whose is it? 900 01:17:15,169 --> 01:17:18,445 Someone switched it for mine, 901 01:17:18,849 --> 01:17:20,805 thinking they got the original. 902 01:17:21,209 --> 01:17:24,645 Somebody swiped my scheme, eh? 903 01:17:25,049 --> 01:17:27,643 Then Chandler never saw your painting? - No 904 01:17:28,049 --> 01:17:32,167 You may still be a great artist. Where is this picture? 905 01:17:32,569 --> 01:17:35,766 Up in my room. - You get it and I'll get the Captain. 906 01:17:36,169 --> 01:17:39,241 He'll get to the bottom of this. 907 01:17:49,689 --> 01:17:53,728 Then John found the third painting. - Very interesting. Well, sort of. 908 01:17:54,129 --> 01:17:58,919 We have to keep our eyes open. - If I don't find it, Mother's out $100,000. 909 01:17:59,329 --> 01:18:02,526 Give me 24 hours for the case. Then we'll call in someone else. 910 01:18:02,929 --> 01:18:04,920 Wait till tomorrow. 911 01:18:05,329 --> 01:18:09,447 Remember the Charlie Ross case? I was on that, and he was never found. 912 01:18:09,849 --> 01:18:14,479 Captain Yard of Scotland Spaulding always gets his women, or paintings. 913 01:18:14,889 --> 01:18:18,199 Do you know what's happened with the painting I found? 914 01:18:18,609 --> 01:18:20,247 It's been stolen from my room. 915 01:18:20,649 --> 01:18:24,358 You see! I've been on the case five minutes and another one is gone. 916 01:18:24,769 --> 01:18:29,399 I bet it's not even three minutes. My watch is gone. This is too much. 917 01:18:29,809 --> 01:18:31,481 It wasn't going, and now it's gone. 918 01:18:31,889 --> 01:18:35,643 And my room was locked. - Who could it have been? 919 01:18:36,049 --> 01:18:39,678 Wait. I think I've got a clue. No, it's a red hair. 920 01:18:40,169 --> 01:18:43,320 The Professor? No, it couldn't be. 921 01:18:43,729 --> 01:18:49,679 He's Crook of the Month this month. Anyhow, we'll investigate it. 922 01:18:51,609 --> 01:18:53,440 You know Conductor Hennessey? - Inspector! 923 01:18:53,849 --> 01:18:57,478 Inspect her yourself. You know that redheaded fellow? - Yes. 924 01:18:57,889 --> 01:19:01,359 Well, get those flagpole sitters of yours to find him. 925 01:19:01,769 --> 01:19:03,521 Come on, boys. 926 01:19:04,489 --> 01:19:08,084 We'll soon get to the bottom of this. 927 01:19:08,489 --> 01:19:11,242 Hey, what's that cop doing there? 928 01:19:12,169 --> 01:19:15,844 It didn't take that long to find him. - This is it! 929 01:19:16,249 --> 01:19:20,561 Yes, but which one is it? - The one just taken from my room. 930 01:19:20,969 --> 01:19:25,326 Maybe my watch is back, too. Vow the fob is gone! 931 01:19:26,249 --> 01:19:28,205 Well, I still got the pocket. 932 01:19:28,609 --> 01:19:32,238 Anything I retain now is velvet. Except the coat. That's Prince Albert. 933 01:19:32,649 --> 01:19:35,447 Well, all the jokes can't be good. 934 01:19:36,329 --> 01:19:40,561 If we find the fella who painted this, it'd be a pretty good clue. - What? 935 01:19:40,969 --> 01:19:44,518 If we find the fella who painted this, it'd be a pretty good clue. 936 01:19:44,929 --> 01:19:49,400 You just said that. How dull you turned out to be! 937 01:19:49,809 --> 01:19:52,039 Let me see that a minute. 938 01:19:52,449 --> 01:19:54,679 It's signed "Beaugard". There's the criminal. 939 01:19:55,089 --> 01:19:56,647 No Beaugard is dead. 940 01:19:57,049 --> 01:20:00,041 Dead? Then it's murder! Vow we've got something. 941 01:20:00,449 --> 01:20:02,360 What do you got? - Jacks and aces. And you? 942 01:20:02,769 --> 01:20:07,081 Good. I was bluffing. - Does something strike you funny about this picture? 943 01:20:09,089 --> 01:20:13,128 It isn't as funny as all that. Did you ever see a tree like that? 944 01:20:13,529 --> 01:20:18,080 Tree? That's a spinach. - It can't be. Where's the egg? 945 01:20:18,489 --> 01:20:20,764 It could be spinach. Look at all the sand. 946 01:20:21,169 --> 01:20:24,286 You mean it's an old Spinach custom? No, it's not that. 947 01:20:24,689 --> 01:20:27,965 No That's my mistake. You know what it is? Coleslaw. 948 01:20:28,369 --> 01:20:29,768 Coleslaw? - Yeah. 949 01:20:30,169 --> 01:20:33,286 Did you ever see a coleslaw like that? - Sure, look at this. 950 01:20:33,689 --> 01:20:38,160 I don't want any of your lip now. Did you ever see anything like that? 951 01:20:38,569 --> 01:20:40,719 You know what this is? A left-handed painting. 952 01:20:41,129 --> 01:20:43,199 There's a signature. - That's right. 953 01:20:43,609 --> 01:20:46,248 This is either a left-handed painting or a vegetable dinner. 954 01:20:46,649 --> 01:20:50,483 If we can find the left-handed person, we'll have "The Trial of Mary Dugan". 955 01:20:50,889 --> 01:20:54,598 I saw that. Goodbye. - Wait. I'm going to need you. 956 01:20:55,009 --> 01:20:56,761 We mustn't lose this evidence. 957 01:20:57,169 --> 01:20:59,683 Take it to your room and leave the door open this time. 958 01:21:00,089 --> 01:21:04,241 And not a word about this to anybody. Not even to me. 959 01:21:04,649 --> 01:21:08,244 Ravelli, we've got to find the left-handed painting. 960 01:21:08,649 --> 01:21:11,288 The first thing to do is to find the motive. 961 01:21:11,689 --> 01:21:13,884 What was the motive of the Beaugard crooks? 962 01:21:15,569 --> 01:21:17,366 I got it. Robbery! 963 01:21:18,249 --> 01:21:21,366 Would you mind crossing the street when it's red? 964 01:21:21,769 --> 01:21:23,327 Si, Capt'. Sit down. 965 01:21:23,729 --> 01:21:25,924 I know how we find this painting. 966 01:21:26,409 --> 01:21:29,367 In such a mysterious case, you gotta get the clues. 967 01:21:29,769 --> 01:21:32,966 You gotta use the Sherlock Holmes method. It goes like this: 968 01:21:33,369 --> 01:21:38,079 You say, "What happened?" The answer: "Something was stolen." 969 01:21:38,489 --> 01:21:44,359 You say, "What was stolen?" The answer come back: "A painting." 970 01:21:46,209 --> 01:21:48,245 Are you a ventriloquist? 971 01:21:48,649 --> 01:21:54,565 Vow you say, "Where was this painting stolen?" The answer: "In this house." 972 01:21:54,969 --> 01:21:56,641 Vow, so far I'm right? 973 01:21:57,049 --> 01:22:00,519 It's pretty hard to be wrong if you keep answering yourself. 974 01:22:00,929 --> 01:22:03,727 You go a little further and say, "Who stole the painting?" 975 01:22:04,129 --> 01:22:08,964 A very important question. When you answer it, you got the whole solution. 976 01:22:09,369 --> 01:22:11,439 Especially if you find the picture. 977 01:22:11,849 --> 01:22:15,637 Vow put all the clues together and what do ya got? - Bread pudding. 978 01:22:16,049 --> 01:22:21,726 No Something was stolen. Where? In this house. By who? Somebody here. 979 01:22:22,129 --> 01:22:26,680 Vow all you gotta do is ask everyone in the house if they took it. 980 01:22:27,089 --> 01:22:30,525 I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters. 981 01:22:30,929 --> 01:22:33,807 You're going to ask everyone here if they took the painting? 982 01:22:34,209 --> 01:22:37,246 And suppose no one here took it? - Go next door. 983 01:22:37,649 --> 01:22:40,561 Great. Suppose there is no house next door? 984 01:22:40,969 --> 01:22:43,563 Well, then we gotta build one. 985 01:22:43,969 --> 01:22:46,847 Vow you're talking. What kind of house should we build? 986 01:22:47,249 --> 01:22:51,800 My idea of a house is something nice and small and comfortable. 987 01:22:52,209 --> 01:22:54,086 Exactly, nothing elaborate. 988 01:22:54,489 --> 01:22:57,879 A little place to call home and tell the wife I'm not coming for dinner. 989 01:22:58,289 --> 01:23:00,280 I see. You want a telephone booth. 990 01:23:00,689 --> 01:23:03,647 No, in that case I'd just call Chic Sale. 991 01:23:04,049 --> 01:23:07,166 What do ya say we build right about here? 992 01:23:07,569 --> 01:23:11,244 Here? - Yeah, here. - I'd like it over here if possible. 993 01:23:11,649 --> 01:23:14,561 I don't like junior crossing the rails on his way to reform school. 994 01:23:14,969 --> 01:23:16,687 Actually I don't like junior at all. 995 01:23:17,089 --> 01:23:22,721 Alright. We got something over there, and believe me, that's convenient. 996 01:23:23,129 --> 01:23:26,917 You just open the door, step outside, and there you are. 997 01:23:27,329 --> 01:23:30,241 There you are? Where? - Outside. 998 01:23:31,529 --> 01:23:34,441 If you want to get back in again? - You had no right to go out. 999 01:23:34,849 --> 01:23:37,682 Don't do anything until I hear from you, will you? 1000 01:23:38,089 --> 01:23:41,923 Maybe the painting is in the cellar! - That's no cellar, that's the roof. 1001 01:23:42,329 --> 01:23:47,483 Down there? - Yeah, so the chimney don't get wet when it rains. 1002 01:23:48,289 --> 01:23:51,565 I'm off to get x-rayed. I'll be back in a little while. 1003 01:23:51,969 --> 01:23:56,804 I think you're wrong, Ravelli. - Don't get excited. 1004 01:23:57,529 --> 01:23:59,918 Here's the rooms. 1005 01:24:00,329 --> 01:24:04,117 This is your room. This is mine. And this is the maid's room. 1006 01:24:04,529 --> 01:24:07,043 I'd have to go through your room? 1007 01:24:09,369 --> 01:24:12,042 That's alright, I won't be in it. 1008 01:24:12,449 --> 01:24:17,648 You couldn't put the maid in your room? - Who says I couldn't? 1009 01:24:18,049 --> 01:24:20,768 There's going to be a lot of traffic. I can see that. 1010 01:24:21,169 --> 01:24:24,684 Well, what do ya say? You ready to sign the lease? 1011 01:24:25,089 --> 01:24:29,002 I'd like to talk to my husband first. Could you come back later? 1012 01:24:29,409 --> 01:24:31,969 You married? - I've got a girl as big as you are. 1013 01:24:32,369 --> 01:24:35,566 Alright. Get me one. - Don't get vulgar, Ravelli. 1014 01:24:35,969 --> 01:24:37,527 How about the painting? 1015 01:24:37,929 --> 01:24:40,397 We take care of that. I'll tell you my idea. 1016 01:24:40,809 --> 01:24:43,767 The kitchen should be white. Outside, green. Inside, cerise. 1017 01:24:44,169 --> 01:24:45,887 The painting, I say! 1018 01:24:46,289 --> 01:24:49,645 What you think I talk? Painting the kitchen white... 1019 01:24:50,049 --> 01:24:52,802 The painting that was stolen! - Stolen? 1020 01:24:53,209 --> 01:24:59,284 Don't you remember? Mrs. Rittenhouse lost a painting worth $100,000. 1021 01:24:59,689 --> 01:25:01,645 No, I'm a stranger here. 1022 01:25:02,049 --> 01:25:04,279 What do you think I am? One of the early settlers? 1023 01:25:04,689 --> 01:25:10,878 Don't you remember Mrs. Beaugard lost a Rittenhouse oil painting? 1024 01:25:11,289 --> 01:25:14,918 No, but I've seen you someplace before. 1025 01:25:15,689 --> 01:25:18,328 Yeah, I was there. But I'll stay away in the future. 1026 01:25:18,729 --> 01:25:20,959 Hey, Capt! It come to me like a flash! 1027 01:25:21,369 --> 01:25:26,443 This painting wasn't stolen. It has disappeared. 1028 01:25:26,849 --> 01:25:32,481 Yes, disappeared. And you know what make it disappear? 1029 01:25:32,889 --> 01:25:36,882 Moths! Moths eat it! Left-handed moths! 1030 01:25:40,769 --> 01:25:43,522 Go away. I'll be alright in a minute. 1031 01:25:43,929 --> 01:25:47,126 Left-handed moths ate it? - That's my own solution. 1032 01:25:47,529 --> 01:25:51,078 I wish you were in it. Left-handed moths! 1033 01:25:51,689 --> 01:25:54,840 I'd buy you a parachute if I thought it wouldn't open. 1034 01:25:55,249 --> 01:26:00,084 Hey, I got pair of shoes. He's crazy. 1035 01:26:00,489 --> 01:26:04,118 Let's go and get the reward. We solved it. You solved it. 1036 01:26:04,529 --> 01:26:07,726 It was eaten by left-handed moths. - We did good work. 1037 01:26:08,129 --> 01:26:11,121 Are you tired? Lie down for a couple of years. 1038 01:26:11,529 --> 01:26:14,839 Lie down until rigor mortis sets in. 1039 01:26:15,249 --> 01:26:19,242 I know what we'll do. Go to court to get a writ of habeas corpus. 1040 01:26:19,649 --> 01:26:21,321 To get rid of what? 1041 01:26:21,729 --> 01:26:24,197 I never should have started that way. 1042 01:26:24,609 --> 01:26:27,681 I say, we'll go to court to get a writ of habeas corpus. 1043 01:26:28,089 --> 01:26:30,922 Yes, corpus. - Didn't you ever see a habeas corpus? 1044 01:26:31,329 --> 01:26:33,797 No, but I see "Habeas Irish Rose". 1045 01:26:38,769 --> 01:26:40,725 Good morning. - Good morning. 1046 01:26:42,129 --> 01:26:46,680 Why don't you go to the beach with the others? You'd feel better. 1047 01:26:47,089 --> 01:26:49,364 I'd feel better with my Beaugard. 1048 01:26:49,769 --> 01:26:51,760 We're doing everything we can. 1049 01:26:52,169 --> 01:26:54,888 Mrs. Rittenhouse! I have it! - The Beaugard! 1050 01:26:55,289 --> 01:26:57,041 Wonderful! My Beaugard! 1051 01:26:57,449 --> 01:27:01,044 Wait. This is a rank imitation. Where did you find it? 1052 01:27:01,449 --> 01:27:05,283 In Mr. Parker's room, madam. - Parker? 1053 01:27:05,689 --> 01:27:08,840 One thing is certain. Whoever did this also stole the Beaugard. 1054 01:27:09,249 --> 01:27:11,922 Hives, ask Mr. Parker to come here. 1055 01:27:12,329 --> 01:27:15,446 Wait. My men will bring him in. Get Mr. Parker. 1056 01:27:15,849 --> 01:27:22,448 What's wrong with this? - It's obvious that it's a rank imitation. 1057 01:27:43,729 --> 01:27:45,924 Mother, what's wrong? 1058 01:27:47,449 --> 01:27:51,328 Something very strange has occurred and only you can explain it. 1059 01:27:51,729 --> 01:27:53,003 Gladly. 1060 01:27:53,409 --> 01:27:58,199 We found this in your room. What have you done with the original? 1061 01:27:58,609 --> 01:28:00,361 Come clean! - I think it would be wise... 1062 01:28:00,769 --> 01:28:03,329 I don't know where the Beaugard is. 1063 01:28:03,729 --> 01:28:06,641 Why did we find this in your room? You'd better come with me. 1064 01:28:07,049 --> 01:28:09,244 You can't take him. 1065 01:28:31,609 --> 01:28:35,443 This program is coming to you from the House of David 1066 01:28:40,569 --> 01:28:44,005 Either this suit is on upside-down or there is no law of gravity. 1067 01:28:44,409 --> 01:28:46,365 Einstein or no Einstein. - My tie! 1068 01:28:46,769 --> 01:28:49,761 Captain, what shall I do? They're going to arrest John. 1069 01:28:50,169 --> 01:28:51,284 Who? - I am! 1070 01:28:51,689 --> 01:28:55,523 In Scotland Yard they teach you never to arrest an innocent man. 1071 01:28:55,929 --> 01:28:58,648 He's not innocent. I'll have to arrest him. 1072 01:28:59,049 --> 01:29:01,279 Of course, or nobody's safe here. 1073 01:29:01,689 --> 01:29:06,046 You can't arrest him. I stole it. - Don't listen to her. I did it. 1074 01:29:06,449 --> 01:29:11,569 They're both lying. I did it. - He's crazy. I confess. I did it. 1075 01:29:11,969 --> 01:29:16,565 Maybe there was no painting. - That's right. I saw it. 1076 01:29:16,969 --> 01:29:18,960 Stop this! Who stole the painting? 1077 01:29:19,369 --> 01:29:21,929 I did! - Good gracious. 1078 01:29:23,569 --> 01:29:26,641 You? You took the picture? Where is it? 1079 01:29:27,489 --> 01:29:29,286 Aw, that's a horse. 1080 01:29:31,449 --> 01:29:35,920 That is my Beaugard! - No, that isn't your Beaugard. 1081 01:29:36,329 --> 01:29:39,765 Ridiculous. I paid $100,000 for this. I know what I bought. 1082 01:29:40,169 --> 01:29:42,285 Look at the signature. 1083 01:29:42,689 --> 01:29:45,726 John Parker. Somebody changed it. 1084 01:29:51,969 --> 01:29:55,882 That is my Beaugard! That's it, I tell you. 1085 01:29:56,649 --> 01:30:01,359 But that one has the color, the depth, the soul of the Beaugard. 1086 01:30:01,769 --> 01:30:05,603 Only a master could have produced a painting like that. 1087 01:30:06,009 --> 01:30:09,968 You mean, you painted it? - Yes, sir. - You're a genius. 1088 01:30:10,369 --> 01:30:13,805 I commission you to paint a portrait of me immediately. 1089 01:30:14,209 --> 01:30:18,999 It'll have to wait until tomorrow. I'm going to be busy all day. - Yes. 1090 01:30:20,689 --> 01:30:23,362 You come with me. - Don't take him away, officer. 1091 01:30:23,769 --> 01:30:26,602 He returned the paintings. 1092 01:30:27,009 --> 01:30:29,079 My name is Spaulding. I've always wanted to meet you. 1093 01:30:29,489 --> 01:30:33,198 Alright. Just this time. But I want to tell you something. 1094 01:30:33,609 --> 01:30:38,319 You're running around with the wrong people. You wanna be a crook? 1095 01:30:39,529 --> 01:30:41,724 Why don't you go home? - He's got no home. 1096 01:30:42,129 --> 01:30:45,439 Go home and stay home. 1097 01:30:45,849 --> 01:30:47,805 Your poor old mother sits there... 1098 01:30:53,609 --> 01:30:55,679 ...sits there, night after... 1099 01:30:56,089 --> 01:30:57,807 night after night... 1100 01:30:58,769 --> 01:31:02,648 waiting to hear your steps on the stairs. - Ain't got no stairs. 1101 01:31:03,049 --> 01:31:06,928 And I can see a little light burns in the window. 1102 01:31:07,329 --> 01:31:09,763 No you can't! The gas company turned it off. 1103 01:31:10,169 --> 01:31:12,922 What I'm telling you is for your own good. 1104 01:31:14,249 --> 01:31:16,160 And if you listen to me, 1105 01:31:17,129 --> 01:31:19,768 you can't go wrong. 1106 01:31:23,169 --> 01:31:26,161 This may go on for years. - There's just one thing... 1107 01:31:30,569 --> 01:31:32,799 What's delaying that coffee pot? 1108 01:31:34,289 --> 01:31:38,567 Where's the cream? - You certainly surprised me. 1109 01:31:38,969 --> 01:31:42,325 Me too. I thought he had more. - No use giving you any advice. 1110 01:31:42,729 --> 01:31:47,200 Captain, this time I'm afraid I'll have to take him. Come on. 1111 01:31:47,609 --> 01:31:50,601 Oh, what are you doing? My dear! 1112 01:31:54,249 --> 01:31:57,161 What's the idea? - Take a letter to my lawyers. 1113 01:31:58,569 --> 01:32:03,563 Oh no, don't! Anything but... That I've got to go! So young! 1114 01:32:10,729 --> 01:32:15,598 Good. Let's get out of here before they all wake up. Hurry up.